Tips & Advice

4 Signs It’s Time for an Additional Poly Partner

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A defining feature of polyamory is the belief that no one person can fill their partner’s every need. Sometimes we do gain all that we need from just one person, but when we don’t, it’s time to expand the circle.

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4 Signs It Might be Time to Seek Another Poly Partner

1. You Feel An Imbalance in Your Relationships

Do you feel lonely? Do you wish your partners had more time for you? Do you feel that your partner(s) take up more space in your heart and mind than you do in theirs and you want to try to balance it out?

Express your feelings, and give everyone a chance to weigh in. Are they even aware that you’re feeling unfulfilled? Do they agree that what you need is beyond the scope of what they have to offer? In an egalitarian, open relationship, you shouldn’t need to ask permission when seeking out additional partners, but it’s still important that everyone has the chance to discuss it.

2. You Want to Try Something New

Do you feel restless and in need of a new adventure? Sometimes wanting a new partner comes down to something as basic as the desire to explore your sexuality. If you think it would be well received, talk to your existing partners about joining you in your sexplorations (threesome anyone?)

If you’re seeking out a new partner because your polycule is a vanilla sundae, but you suspect that you’re a hot-fudge banana split, by all means take your time perusing the ice cream parlor until you find what you really want.

3. You Met Someone You Can’t Stop Thinking About

This is the most romantic reason to expand your polycule, but it’s also the most challenging to pull off. First, you need to make sure that this new person knows about your poly lifestyle and is cool with it. Second, if your feelings run deeper than the physical, you need to figure out how this intense level of emotional involvement will impact your other partners.

While it’s generally accepted in poly circles that love is ever-expanding, there can still be jealousy and resentment around new relationship energy (NRE). That’s not a reason to deny yourself, it just means that you might want to move forward slowly and carefully.

4. You Have Room in Your Heart

Perhaps all of your existing relationships are on the shallow side, and you’re craving real intimacy? Or you just feel that you have more to give? There’s nothing wrong with seeking out someone to receive your love. Sometimes it’s not about what you need from others, but what you have to offer.

It’s painful to have your attempts at intimacy shot down time and time again. Don’t be afraid to give up the fight with those who don’t desire it the same way you do. Open your heart to someone new.

Can you think of any other signs not mentioned here? Leave us a comment!

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