We all know the type: hotheaded, volatile, passionate couples who scream at each other, then scream even louder in the throes of an ecstasy we can barely imagine.
Most of us know the lows of an intense fight with a lover, and then the high that follows in makeup sex. Some personality types or couples seem to be locked in a perpetual conflict that they seem to get off on.
We don’t want to be trapped in such high drama relationship patterns, but everyone can relate to the ups and downs of love and hate on a more rational scale. We have blowouts with our lovers, and ending up back in their arms after the fact is an especially delicious kind of sex.
The joy of makeup sex is a psychological and physical phenomenon.
What Makes Makeup Sex So Good
Extreme emotions mean extreme arousal.
When we are upset, enraged, or scared, all systems go on high alert. Our heartbeat is insane. Blood flow increases to every region of our body, including our brain and genitals. Being frightened or furious doesn’t feel all that different from being super turned on.
Sometimes when we are having a major fight, our bodies gets wound up and the sex is wild.
The risk of loss, although unwanted, can be thrilling.
We work towards trust and safety inside of our intimate relationships. More important than teetering at the edge of insane desire or roller coaster excitement in life is stability and security. Knowing and trusting your partner means that your body and mind can relax and you can navigate life in safety.
We willingly trade off some peaks and valleys for the middle ground. But when we argue, we shift into overdrive. We are confronted with the threat of loss or abandonment or a new road ahead. The fear of losing our partner comes to life. Makeup sex relieves that risk and brings us back down to earth after a perilous edge that can be profoundly pleasurable.
The same phenomenon happens when there is a real risk of physical loss. Many couples report an insane sexual arousal after a lover’s car crash, heart attack, or during the vigil of death. They may feel creeped out by such a response, but the profound desire to fully connect and keep makes perfect sense.
The recovery and reconnection of makeup sex builds intimacy.
When something that belongs to us is lost, it is natural to want a resolution to the conflict. When we lose something as mundane as a note or the keys, we might spend an hour turning the house upside down. Even if it’s something easy to replace, we sometimes methodically seek to solve the puzzle and reclaim order. If the item is more meaningful—a ring from our late mother, a drawing from our kids—we spend even more time setting things right. The relief when we find the item is incredible.
The same thing is playing out when we are faced with the mere threat or suggestion that our united ground could fall apart. When we have resolved the issue, or even just resolved to disagree on it, coming back together means even more than sex at any other time. We want to be as close to our lover as we can after being separated.
For some makeup sex tips, see Holly’s article: 7 Tips for Great Makeup Sex.
Do you and your partner(s) have makeup sex? How do you feel about it?