Facts & Info

Can BDSM Save Your Relationship?

Sexy Vixen with a Whip

If a relationship is troubled, it generally makes sense to look at the source of the trouble and resolve it. Doing so can also give insight to the key question—is the relationship worth saving?

Those are important considerations that go beyond the idea that a few kinky sex tips can put a toxic relationship back on track. But that said, all relationships have deep conflicts and challenges. Honoring commitments when times are tough can take us into deeper intimacy and help us grow.

BDSM can benefit couples, throuples, polycules, and other relationship arrangements, and it can help us navigate a relationship that is struggling or in need of attention.

How BDSM Can Benefit a Struggling Relationship

BDSM is a creative outlet for emotions, roles, and power dynamics.

I often state that sex is a ritual theater space where we act out our deepest fantasies and try out other roles as well.

BDSM takes this truth to an even deeper level. It can be a kind of method acting and a way of walking a mile in another’s shoes, as well as a way of safely exploring our own uncomfortable, forbidden desires.

BDSM fosters greater intimacy.

Sharing yourself with another person is often a vulnerable enterprise. It can be hard to talk about our true selves, our desires, or the ways we have changed.

Exploring the limits of power, the borders of pleasure, the new terrain of a partner’s kink or fantasy, or confessing what makes you hot or leaves you cold, brings lovers closer together.

Sharing new and meaningful experiences together, is one hallmark of healthy relationships, whether it is travel, a life change, or new erotic adventures in bed.

BDSM gets you back into bed.

If sex has started to feel like masturbation, or the natural course of time and familiarity has made sex boring, you might have stopped connecting that way.

Poly lovers can sometimes neglect one partner when the sex with another partner is more novel or exciting.

BDSM can bring you back into bed together, by giving you new ways to explore and experiment. It switches gears to let you find that connection again on new terms.

BDSM is good for your mental health.

Far from the stereotype that persisted not long ago that kink was a kind of deviance or perversion, science says that people who play at kinky sex manifest less stress, less anxiety, more trust, and higher rates of satisfaction and happiness.

Confronting our fears and desires rather than repressing them gives a healthy outlet that is also associated with pleasure. Additionally, BDSM is often akin to mindfulness practice, meditation, and altered states. You may have heard the words “subspace” or “topspace,” a kind of psychic zone many kink lovers report where time stops and they feel freedom, tranquility, control and bliss.

Improving mental well being automatically contributes to a better relationship.

BDSM has something for everyone.

Don’t just jump into bondage and leather if the idea leaves both or more of you cold.

Kink is about exploring each other’s desires and trying new adventures, but that doesn’t mean you have to dance through hoops that feel ridiculous.

Read: She’s Kinky and You’re Vanilla: How to Make it Work

BDSM is not one paradigm. It’s not one fetish. It’s not always extreme, and it’s not necessarily mild. It’s not one size fits all, but something for everyone.

There are hundreds of ways to play, with a banquet of possibilities to unravel. Role play alone can encompass a million different fantasies! The point is not to get stuck in a fetish that leaves you out, but to explore new avenues of erotic play. The only limit is your imagination.

Looking for some BDSM play ideas? Read Kink Lovers Magazine’s BDSM Play: The BIG List of BDSM Activities.

Do you incorporate BDSM and kinky elements into your poly relationships?

Tell us what you think!

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