Are You Really Jealous or Just Bored?

Jealousy sucks. I can’t change that, but I can help you to understand where your jealousy comes from. Is it the result of your poly relationship dynamic, or does it have more to do with your lack of self-fulfillment?

These are important questions to ask, as they will tell you what really needs to change in your life in order for you to feel better.

True Jealousy Is…


No matter what you do, or how hard you try, your painful feelings of jealousy persist. You could be having the time of your life, pursuing your most beloved passion, only to be interrupted time and time again by angst-ridden thoughts of your partner with someone else.


There’s no distracting yourself. You’re in agony and your psyche won’t let you forget it. That little voice inside your head keeps urging you to make a change, or at the very least speak up. Not a day goes by that you don’t secretly question the whole poly thing.

Directed at Specific People

Every time your partner mentions another partner, your jealousy spikes. Every time you see them together you feel angry or sad. The thought of being poly feels great in theory, but you’ve never really signed off on it in your heart.

Jealousy Triggered by Boredom Is…

Soothed via Distraction

You think you’re jealous, but as soon as you start doing something you enjoy, the feeling dissipates. You start to think less about the fact that your partner is on a date, and more about finishing your projects, or about how the movie is going to end.


Sometimes you feel super shitty about sharing your partner, other times you’re just happy to have the time and space to yourself. You notice that you feel the most shitty when some of your own plans have fallen through, or when you’re not setting aside enough time for fun and relaxation.

Triggered Mostly by Specific Social Events

You really only feel jealous when your partner goes out, and you have to stay home, or when your partner and metamour are busy doing something that you really want to do too, like attending a specific concert, or traveling somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go to.

What do you think? Is there a difference between pure jealousy, and jealousy experienced as a result of boredom? Let us know in the comments.

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