Always Horny? Reasons for High Libido

We often talk about low libido, loss of desire, fluctuations in sex drive, or how to supercharge your libido. Less often do we discuss the high sex drive itself.

Sex Drive: Highs and Lows

There’s a broad spectrum of “normal” when it comes to libido, from horny all the time to asexuality. Sex drive or sex-drive changes are only problematic in relation to living and loving. A monogamous couple for example with one horny hottie and an ace guy probably won’t be that happy place one dreams of in a romance.

Read: Tips for Sharing a Limited Libido

We tend to pathologize sexualities with absent libido or “excess” libido—the extremes don’t make sense to us, so they are easy to dismiss or medicalize as abnormal.

There’s a grain of truth to this, in that sexual desire is often a marker of overall health and a good sex life contributes to physical and psychological health. We are, mostly, sexual and social beings and sex is intimacy and a natural biological function. Most of us need, want, and benefit from sex.

Read: 7 Benefits of Regular Sex

On the other hand, if someone’s sexual desire seems out of control or overtakes other aspects of their life, including civility, relationship bonds, social mores, or laws, we see them as “too horny.” We often dismiss men and their sexual needs as “dirty minded” or “horndogs” or “he only wants one thing.”

Women, of course, with a high sex drive were once called sluts or witches, and in some circles they still are.

Why are some people naturally so horny when some have less intense cravings for sex, and others have none?

Sex Drive Stories

I have needed sex several times a day for my entire adult life. I’m over fifty now and the drop in libido with the Change is quite welcome. It’s still very high—I masturbate five or six times a week and like sex every day if possible. But that’s about a third of how it was before. It’s all I thought about for decades. – Debbie, 53

I jerk off constantly, and that helps tone it down for a while after, so I can focus on serving my customers or doing errands. Sex is great, don’t get me wrong, but constantly having a rock-hard erection is just not comfortable. – Jake, 29

I have three lovers and their girlfriends, and still all I think about is sex, sex, sex. I hope I never think about anything else. – Therese, 31

What Affects Your Sex Drive

Nature vs Nurture

Just as with everything else, there are always variations and varieties of normal, and then outside of that vast average, there are extremes. Some people are naturally asexual and some are naturally ultra horny.

Hormone Heaven (or Hell)

Hormones have a huge impact on our libido. It’s not the only factor in desire for and enjoyment of sex—we are much more complicated than that. But it’s an important one. A very horny person may have naturally high sex hormone levels. They may have abnormally high ones. High levels can be from good health but they can also result from environmental toxins or a medical condition.

Hormones tend to be strongest in youth, hence most twenty year olds are hornier than forty year olds and onwards. We may have an interest in sex right up until the last breath, but it’s most likely not going to be the same level of interest at 81 as you had at 18.

Read: The Relationship between Testosterone and Sex Drive

New Lover Novelty

Seems you can usually tell when your lover has a new lover, am I right? The sex between the two of you is hotter.

Or maybe you have been quite happy with the women you have and enjoying loving, uncomplicated, comforting, regular sex. But now you’re dating someone new and suddenly your dick is always hard again.

Novelty is a powerful trigger for libido. While other essential processes take place with bonding, health, trust, and more with long-term lovers, multiple animal studies show that hormone levels sail high when lab rats and humans are introduced to new sexual opportunities.

This is one reason why monogamous couples are often shattered by infidelity. One partner mistakes the thrill for true love. The jilted partner tells them to “make a choice.” They make it. The high wears off and they want their wife back, but the trust has been broken. The sex was too heady to stay away from, and it was assumed to be something lasting.

But new sex doesn’t last. In some ways familiar sex is better, like really fine wine instead of getting blasted on a fast bottle. But the thrill of something new also stokes our fires.

Read: How to Cope when the Thrill Is Gone

In polyamory, all parties benefit from this high and no one has to rearrange their life. They just enjoy all of it!

Nutrition and Exercise

Regular movement, and nourishing our hormone balance, circulatory system, and body in general with plenty of vitamins and minerals, and keeping sugars, cheap fats, and artificial foods to a minimum contributes a great deal to our libido.

Regular Sex or Masturbation

Use it or lose it. Regular sex or masturbation keeps your hormones flowing, your brain lighting up, your sexual fantasies alive. If your sex drive is very high, it makes sense to jerk off, but NOT jerking off can actually help you lower it a bit as well, if you can white knuckle it through a period of tension. Regular sexual activity keeps your sexual self in good order!

Read: 9 Creative Ways to Masturbate

Drugs and Medications

While most drugs and meds that affect sex have a dampening effect on libido, some kick your libido into overdrive. Others like wine simply have a relaxing effect or help lower inhibition. Stimulant drugs initially feel fantastic and horny for some, and wild nights ensue. But this situation is short-lived. Meth tends to destroy mind and body pretty quickly. Ecstasy can feel like its namesake, but it’s not easy to get an erection or have an orgasm.

Sex Addiction or Hypersexuality

While I think that most people who assume themselves addicted or condemn others as abnormal have a warped view of sex, which is natural and not shameful, it is true that some feel out of control or feel that libido is running and ruining their life.

A person could have a medical condition with a hormone imbalance. They could have a trauma or an obsessive disorder. They may have transferred another addiction to sex, as humans understandably want pleasure. I list this here with caution, but yes, in rare cases, it is possible.

Do you have a high sex drive? What do you think explains it?

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