Assumed Access (Never That)
This is an addendum to the “Uninvited Kindness” article I wrote. This goes out to every man on the planet (and every woman too): DO NOT ASSUME ACCESS. Ever. With anyone. Ever.
No matter how long you’ve been with someone, how many different sexual scenarios, how many dinners and dates and lunches and brunches and family cookouts you’ve shared, how many times you’ve seen them naked in the shower and the bathroom and the kitchen and in the morning and at night and all other times… we are NEVER to assume we can take whatever we want from anyone at any time we feel like.
There has to be that ONE moment.
At least a look in the eye. A touch. A word. A gesture. A request. A moment of respect and recognition and reciprocation. A meaningful measure of acknowledgement and appreciation for what’s hopefully about to happen.
Without that, one is not remarkably different from an uninvited stranger.
Husbands CAN rape wives. Wives can abuse husbands. Boyfriends can be guilty of rape to their girlfriends, yet NEVER EVER should be.
Just because someone has made an agreement to be open to a special connection, especially in a polyamorous context with multiple partners and people involved, it does not mean that someone is allowed to always approach another and engage sexually or emotionally or intellectually without knowing if the other person is willing and able to share their space and time.
It’s just something that goes by the wayside in a few relationships, and sometimes, all parties involved let an unfortunate past and patriarchal power dynamic dictate the proceedings instead of a balanced exchange of energy that is the win-win situation of every healthy sexual exchange.
Sometimes, people need reminders of the very basics of connection and communication.
Please take the time to stop, look, care and speak to your lover(s). Every time.
Nobody can assume they have instant and unlimited sexual access to anyone else’s body, mind or soul, and if they do, they need to check themselves before they wreck themselves… and everybody else they are connected to.
Please be so respectful you are special.
Always in Love,
Addi Stewart
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