Many people, usually those outside the polyamory community, think that polys are all sexually confident, self-aware individuals who can’t get enough. But, just because someone wants to live a life outside the confines of how they perceive monogamy doesn’t mean they don’t struggle with confidence, intimacy, or other issues affecting their sex life. Truth be told, I don’t think I’ve met very many people, poly or otherwise, who don’t have some bedroom hangup. And not, that that’s a problem if you see it that way, I find sexual exploration with a new partner exciting, even when it is challenging.
If you think your sex life could use a boost, these tips may help…
1. Learn, Learn, Learn
Never think you know what it’s all about or that there’s no room for improvement. Sexual learnings can come to you via talking with friends, reading books, watching porn (do not emulate), or taking workshops. Oh, and don’t forget good old fashioned practice!
2. Share Your Fantasies
Everyone has fantasies and desires they’d like to try whether it’s with a new partner, a hookup, or with a long-term girlfriend. But if you’re feeling shy or squeamish about sharing your fantasies is preventing you from the next step, you have to remember: nothing ventured; nothing gained. All you can do is ask, right?
3. Know What you Like
If a lover asks you what you like in bed or what your secret fantasies are, can you answer quickly? A lot of people don’t know, believe it or not (or they may just need a little coaxing). A partner is asking because they’re interested in fulfilling your desires. Selfish lovers don’t ask this, so let it out and enjoy.
4. Build your Confidence
Lack of confidence or self-esteem in one’s daily life usually spills over and into the bedroom. If you can build confidence in other areas of your life, you’ll be on your way. Another way to go about this is to hook up with more experienced partners who you trust to explore your limits with.
5. Don’t Settle
If you’ve been suppressing your kinky side with a vanilla partner that just won’t budge in her sexual proclivities, it might be time to move on. Just saying. I’ll admit sex isn’t everything, but incompatibility in the bedroom (for whatever reason) doesn’t usually make for a long-lasting relationship. If you think your desires and fetishes are too weird, or that you’ll never meet anyone who would like the same thing… you’re wrong. Check out BDSMDate.
How do you take your sex life to the next level?