Polyamory Dating

Where Do Poly Relationships Begin?

Couple on Date in Bar

Nostalgia. It’s not just for old married couples reminiscing to their grandchildren about the circumstances that led to grandpa and grandma sharing their first words, and then first touch, and then first date, and such. It’s totally something us poly people can reflect and rejoice in too! Even though sometimes the details of remembering where it all began for some of us may be fuzzy, funny, or maybe even uglier than others in more traditional relationships. But to expand on the potential of future polyamorous relationships, ¬†remembering the details of how and where and why you connected to someone, and the elements of what aligned your chemistry and connection so closely is worth being aware of! Not that any relationship really has the same origin as any other, but it could be close enough… and if you are with a certain special someone or a certain special somewhere, there is a possibility of multiple moments of magic created. That’s the beauty of this lifestyle!

I go to a place called Naked Sauna, and I have to say that MUCH MORE than one of my life’s most magical relationships have begun in that exact location, with all its soft pillows, warm sauna openness, wonderful community conversations and closeness cultivated, and sweet, sacred moments of curiosity clawed at by playful kittens such as myself, and the lovely lovers I have met in my life there! Sometimes lightning never strikes in the same place again, and sometimes, lightning hits the exact same spot over and over again… and all you have to do is catch it!

Where can polyamorous lightning strike?

  • Bars and nightclubs, or the local social scene in your city
  • Public locations such as libraries, retail stores, and on the street
  • Friends and family connections such as birthday parties or intimate gatherings
  • One-on-one introductions by friends with romantic intentions for you
  • Polyamorous meet-up groups, poly parties, and sex-positive community gatherings

So, I listed them in what I think might be some kind of order of approach for polyamory’s possibilities, with the first one (bars/nightclubs/etc.) being the lowest on the scale of luck, love and learning, and the last (polyamorous meet-up groups, etc.) being near the top of the charts of heart chakra.

But there is NO predicting where or when or how or why any of these places will or will not work for you to find the people you want and need and seek. I know poly people who have been single for months and have been trying and trying but failing and failing to find the person with the chemistry that they particularly crave. And I know other poly people who are constantly inundated with date requests, OKCupid options, PoF possibilities, and just endless opportunities to explore more with some beautiful strangers that they seem to attract with unbelievable ease. There’s no preconceived answers to poly!

Not in my ten-year experience, anyways… I NEVER think I know when I’m going to meet my next amazing lover or have my next immaculate experience… and that’s both a curse and a blissful blessing! Depending on where you are in your own inner awareness, your senses may or may not be prepared for the next possibility.

I’ve RARELY ever met a fully polyamorous lover in a bar, library or typical public setting, and it’s not for lack of trying! I talk to people and smile at people and dream about people every day, and am always on the lookout for lovers to love! But some random statistics I’ve read say that less than 5% of the population in North America identifies as “sexually polyamorous,” so out of the next 100 women I might see, does that mean only 5 of them might not be scared off by the prospect and proposal of me asking them to be together, while I’m together with other women too? Can you just say that to any woman in a bar? Eeek, not unless you’re at the peak of Maslow’s Self-Actualization pyramid and are pretty much Poly Superman! Dropping bombs that big in the first few minutes with every woman is… challenging. We still live in a world where most women are socially influenced to seek monogamy and marriage as their dream love goal. Let’s not get too delusional with our dreams here…

So, where does your next polyamorous dream begin then? It begins with you knowing what you want… to the best of your emotional ability. It begins with you knowing what you don’t want, too. It begins with you knowing you will be not suitable for everyone. It begins with you knowing you will be perfectly suitable for someone… and probably someone else! It begins with you not giving up on meeting someone, no matter how long you’ve been single, even as a poly person. It begins with you being honest with those you are attracted to. It begins with trial and error. It begins with hope. It begins with passion. And it begins with desire. The desire to find someone who works with you will keep your mind, soul and body open to possibilities beyond your primary perception. And it begins with you believing that you are supposed to find the right person(s) at the right time(s) and never a moment sooner!

And if you survive the disappointment, heartbreak, setbacks, and drama that may distract you from your dream destiny… YOU TOO can one day be like your grandparents, as you sit around a lovely little tribe of youth from a variety of mothers, fathers, lovers and brothers, as you reminisce on “where it all began…”

And if it all began in some magical polyamorous orgy at some spiritual sacred body gathering… then hey! Your grandkids will laugh their asses off when they find out! (Maybe you gotta wait until they are 16 to break the good news… oh well.)

I want my relationship with my offspring to begin with such pure, raw honesty, ha ha!

In love,
Addi Stewart

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