How do you choose an online dating site? If you’re anything like me, you try the one your friends tried. Then, when that doesn’t work, you try the one you saw advertised on TV, that night when you were up crying and eating fists full of bonbons. Then, when that doesn’t work, you do your research and discover that there are niche sites dedicated to your specific needs.
If you identify as polyamorous, here’s why you should choose a poly-specific dating site:
Fewer Explanations Required
What’s more awkward than telling a woman you met on a standard, mono-centric dating site, that you’re polyamorous? “Are you enjoying the lobster? It’s great, isn’t it? Here’s the thing. I have a wife, and she has a boyfriend. It’s fine that I’m here with you, though because Tuesday is date night.”
Even if you broke the news in a more sensitive way, chances are it would not go over well. Lots of monogamous people don’t even know what polyamory is. She’ll probably think you’re grooming her to join a cult, or to be somebody’s sister wife. Why make online dating more awkwardly painful than it needs to be?
Access to Like-Minded Women
By using a poly-only dating site, you can skip the awkward conversation altogether. She’ll expect that you’re seeing multiple people, or that you’re open to it, and you’ll have a better opportunity to make a good first impression. When it comes to online dating, you want to maximize your chances of success by finding a site that caters to your needs.
There are many niche sites out there like CouplesDating.com, so why limit yourself to mainstream options? A poly-exclusive site will introduce you to lots of women who want the same things you do. The women you meet will, at the very least, be poly curious, so you don’t have to waste your time trying to convince them that you’re not a d-bag for denouncing the supposed virtues of monogamy.
The Opportunity to Get Inspired
One advantage of gaining access to an exclusive group of poly people is that you can learn about the many ways in which ethical non-monogamy is practiced. You might assume you’re on the more conservative end of the spectrum (date night once a week, missionary position, don’t ask don’t tell) but then you meet Audrey who’s really into group sex and the next thing you know, you’re hooking up with Audrey and her two other partners and you’re loving it!
Meeting lots of poly people with different points of view can help you discover what you’re really into. How do you know what you like unless you try it? Of course, if you’re already in a poly relationship, you’ll want to run things by your existing partners before engaging in any new adventures.
Membership in a Poly Community
Being poly in a mono-centric world can feel lonely sometimes. Talking with monogamous friends about your relationship challenges can be helpful, but it can also be frustrating when the conversation turns into: “I don’t know how you do it!” Or, “Maybe polyamory isn’t right for you after all.”
If you’re open to just meeting people on a poly-exclusive dating site, regardless of whether or not you end up in bed together, you’ll find yourself with a whole new support network that you can turn to with questions or even just to celebrate the joys of being poly. It’s affirming when you find your people, and what better place to look than on a site designed especially for them.