Polyamory: Trust in New Relationships

In Heart We Trust
Gambling Your Greatest Gift

The second most valuable substance in the world! The most intangible object in all of existence! The only thing that might precede LOVE!


What is that sticky stuff? Oh, it’s not sticky? Okay, it’s spacey. Airy. Delicate. Or maybe to you and yours, it’s steel concrete titanium granite kryptonite diamond rock.

Do you TRUST anyone? With unbreakable devotion and invincible faith? Where did you find that stuff? And why don’t you have it for everyone? These are the mysterious questions that carry our connections forward every day of our lives.

And in polyamory, the amount of PURE TRUST that I think is required to function is much higher than most people acknowledge and respect. A lot of monogamous relationships are built on a foundation of slooooowly revealing one’s true emotions after weeks of courting, testing, exploring, experimenting, explaining and unveiling… when they TRUST they can do so. And not a moment earlier.

A lot of people operate with the requirement of needing to trust someone before they can love them. I personally am not a member of that particular tribe, for better and for worse; and I enjoy practicing the opposite approach to relationships. I love people before I even need to trust them. I give everyone the full benefit of the doubt, and don’t believe they are being deceitful or manipulative or malicious or deceptive to me. And if I DO sense that, then I trust MY OWN INSTINCTS, and trust myself to protect myself accordingly. I also trust that I will be wise in choosing to forgive the person in the future, after taking the necessary precautions to articulate the necessary truths to clear the air and balance our relationship again so I don’t feel any reason to hold back my truth, because I don’t trust the person will listen to it and treat it with respect and concern… and, maybe even love.

But really, the point of this is for polyamorous people to think about HOW MANY people they’ve had to trust over the years. Multiples upon multiples! Have you ever been in a cuddle pile of five or six naked bodies that won’t stop holding each other for hours on end? Have you ever been to a sex party with a variety of other playful participants in a variety of intimate encounters, where you just protect yourself from fluid transfer, and follow the Playboy Bunny down the rabbit hole? If you have done that, and/or anything more (or less, but in a similar realm of exploration), then you have pushed your boundaries of trust, and you have expanded the heart of your trust to levels that few jealous, envious and unfortunately insecure individuals may never know or feel, and for that courageous effort, I’d like to simply tip my hat to you all.

I trust that you are living your dreams to the fullest, and that your belief in polyamory is taking you to unimaginably magnificent new places while creating powerful and infinitely electrifying new relationships that might never have happened if you didn’t trust yourself to love in a new way.

Bless your essence!

In love,
Addi Stewart

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