In the world of monogamy and long-term relationship ideas, there are some pretty concrete rules and regulations that the vast majority of people abide by to “not be cheating” or in violation of the basic principles of monogamous relationships. And one of the central aspects of that, is a semi-flexible sexual delaying mechanism to enhance desire and anticipation and ultimately, commitment. One of the old school rules, which I think is still somewhat sustained in this hookup culture day and age, is the three-dates-before-sex rule, if not some kind of analysis and interview process that requires time and observation and consideration before sex. Sometimes, basic intimacy like kissing and sharing nudity is considered. Not everyone monogamous operates this way, and sometimes they do this with one person, and totally bypass this courtship process with others who are not so traditional or seeking exclusivity or anything long term. Either way, the average monogamous woman, I do believe, does not have sex on the first date, unless it’s a special circumstance or extra special person.
And now, we come to the polyamorous person. There are far less rules for polyamory than there is for monogamy, essentially. The main rule of: “honor your word with honesty and integrity for the foundation of the relationship” is a short way of saying all the various possibilities of polyamory, and with that in mind, I have to celebrate a truth I’ve been blessed enough to experience: my polyamory “rules” have been simply: make love when it feels right! And I’ve had a multitude of intimate experiences with a variety of partners that have all enriched my soul in endless ways. Some of my poly relationships have begin with us making love in the first seven minutes of meeting, and twice in the first hour, BEFORE even knowing each other’s names officially! The LOVE that can grow from a connection that free from fear and tradition is magical, I promise you this! But that doesn’t mean I am not also enjoying the eternal bliss of making love to a woman that I waited six months to be intimate with, please believe my heart and soul. It was truly one of my most cherished and dreamy sexual experiences of my entire life, and the slow momentum of our blossoming passion for each other led to a long, blissful journey towards our first time together. And I wouldn’t change a thing, as it was heavenly to me…
Regardless, I suppose monogamy can be just the same, but I’m not aware of too many traditional people having sex immediately and still continuing to connect with honesty about the sexuality. A poly situation that is extremely short term (as in one-night or even more brief, depending on the circumstance) is as easy as communicating the beautiful truth with the people or person you are going to share the particular possibility with. The type of partners that are comfortable with that level of maturity are often ready to respond to your request or your fantasy with their emotional awareness at hand, to the best of their ability. The more experienced they are, the more likely you are going to not feel any issue with expressing and engaging in the absolute truth of the joyful dream, and taking a leap into the unknown as soon as your courage is ready to request it…
How about sex on the second date? I think it has a nice ring to it, no commitment pun intended, ha ha!
Blessings to the wonderfully untraditional and trustworthy women who have had sex on the first or second (or third or tenth) date (and all those who haven’t, too!)
In love,
Addi Stewart
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