Dating a Poly Woman: What to Expect

There’s a first time for everything. You’re dating a poly woman, and now you’ve found this site, looking for information and advice.

You saw her sparkling smile and high-voltage figure at the dog park, and your pets chased each other in between tennis balls. You asked for her number, and she gave it to you, said she was looking forward to your call.

You met for another dog run in the park and were really enjoying each other’s company. So you asked her out for a drink. She said yes, but when you chatted later to make plans, she said you needed to know that she was polyamorous. She wanted to know if you were too, and asked what you were looking for so that she could be sure she wasn’t leading you astray.

You were taken aback, but decided to go ahead with the date. After all, you weren’t looking for any particular outcome, and she was honest with you, and beautiful and fun.

Now what?

Well, bravo! You are open minded to be dating a poly woman, and recognize that her honesty and your chemistry as the most important things.

You understand that a date is a move forward, whether towards sex or a relationship. And although you were surprised to have her accept a date when she’s already involved, you want to learn more about her, about how she dates, and see where your mutual attraction goes.

What to Expect when Dating a Poly Woman

Dating a polyamorous woman for the first time can feel like breaking the rules when you are used to a different set of instructions. Your feelings may vary from awkward, to a little jealous, to liberated, to turned on, to all kinds of others.

A polyamorous woman sets the terms herself. She also consults with her lovers to respect their boundaries and needs while first serving her own. Although she is under no obligation yet to divulge her status—I always assume that people on my first dates are dating other people—she chose to give you the heads up. She is comfortable and confident and respectful of her partners, including potential new lovers.

Read: 4 Boundaries to Discuss with a New Poly Partner

If things work out between you, you can probably expect a lover who is concerned with your time and feelings, but who won’t pander to possessiveness or jealousy.

Maybe you don’t know if you’re looking for a one-on-one relationship for the long-term yet—you were planning to “see where it goes.” But that’s not where it’s going!

You may find yourself enjoying a sexual relationship, or you may find yourself entering into something more serious. If this happens, it will be with a woman who may date new lovers while she’s with you, and it may involve meeting the lovers she is already involved with, or at least understanding that they are there.

You may choose to date other women yourself and enter the beautiful world of polyamory. Not necessarily, though! Although poly lovers tend towards other poly lovers, there are many situations where one partner is monogamous. They may be “open” and still monogamous—in other words, free to date others, but don’t.

Read: How to Make a Poly/Mono Relationship Work

You can learn lots about polyamorous dating right here, and by socializing with your new lover and her circles. You can wade in slowly and feel things out, or jump right in for the full monty.

We can’t wait to hear about your dates!