Imagine, if you will: a single woman, with a variety of choices. And the same woman, as a polyamorous woman, with a wider variety of choices!
We shall tell the story of both of these women, and I would like to leave it up to you to decide what you would do in each situation. At the end, we will reflect on where each path might take you, and how!
A. Monogamous woman goes out on a date with a monogamous man, and sees another new man she’s attracted to on that date. She does not tell her original date about her attraction to the other new man, but before she leaves, she gets his phone number, and goes back to the date with the first monogamous man.
To you, when is it “right” for her to hook up with the first monogamous man?
Trick Question: when is it “right” for her to hook up with the second new man?
B. Polyamorous woman goes out on a date with a polyamorous man, and sees another man she’s attracted to on that date. She tells her original date about her attraction to the other man, and before he leaves, her polyamorous man does his best to make sure she gets his phone number, before she comes back to the date with the first polyamorous man.
To you, when is it “right” for her to hook up with the first polyamorous man, or the second guy she liked?
C. Monogamous woman goes out on first date with new man she was attracted to, and sees first monogamous man she was out on a date with previously. She says hello to be polite, and first monogamous man says hello in return. Monogamous woman’s date with new man continues, but shortly after, new man suddenly leaves date with monogamous woman, but says goodbye politely.
To you, would it be right for her to then go and talk to the first monogamous man she previoulsy dated?
Trick Question: when is it “right” for her to hook up with the new man she was attracted to?
D. Polyamorous woman goes out on first date with new man she was attracted to, and sees first polyamorous man she was out on a date with previously. She says hello, and polyamorous man says hello to both of them, happily. Polyamorous woman’s date with new man continues, but shortly after, new man suddenly leaves date with polyamorous woman, but says goodbye politely.
To you, would it be right for her to then go and talk to the polyamorous man she previously dated?
Trick Question: when is it “right” for her to hook up with EITHER men she was attracted to?
Take note: I had to put the word “right” in quotations because I just can’t pretend that I would be able to universally choose what is right and what is not right for someone in any particular dating/romantic relationship scenario, since my value system is certainly not the same as everyone else’s, even though we may enjoy the same destination aka SEX. But that being said: if you do what’s right for you, it’s guaranteed that you will not do what’s right for someone else, with these sexual scenarios! Each of them would truly lead each particular person in a different direction, most likely, but it’s also possible that they all lead to the same conclusion, for some other people who would participate in this dating game!
Polyamory and monogamy have VERY different social standards, and most people who practice monogamy don’t have very flexible boundaries when it comes to sharing space and energy and affection and contact when a mutual pseudo-potential-sexual connection is in the area! Boys and girls who are courting each other don’t generally play well with others who are also courting the same boys and girls they desire! It’s a grand generalization that I still gamble on being rooted in enough truth to stand. Yet, a polyamorous woman could choose a thousand different options from almost any point in time that are notably more empowering and unique than traditional monogamy would offer.
I say all that to say: when I lived this adventure, her and I said goodbye to the new man that left suddenly, and then she took me home to my place where we had mindblowing sex for two hours… even though her night started on a date with the new man. My god, do I ever love being poly!!
Polyamory and Sex on the First Date