What Do You Do when Poly Ex Lovers Resurface?

Metaphorically, I keep the door to my heart open at all times, and the key is on top of the mat on the front porch, not even under it. I don’t hide the invitation into my heart that I keep available to all!

You’d be surprised how few people actually use the key and take me up on the invitation to come inside my heart and soul, so that’s why I’ve been perfectly safe leaving the door open. If I said nobody can get into this heart, then I’d have people ramming down the door trying to get inside, ha ha! But I digress.

Last year, I had a situation that impacted me profoundly. I met someone who actually made me see shining lights when I first met them. It was that magical. We had our thing—it was burning hot heaven.

Then one day, it became a cold version of hell. Such is the journey of love sometimes. I made peace with it and said peace to them. I’m poly, so I moved on with other lovers to heal the heartbreak, because this person was (and still is) very important to my spirit.

They left me because they found someone who was gender fluid like they were, and that was just something that I wasn’t able to provide them with. I never fought it for a second, that’s just how life is sometimes. If someone wants to be with a ginger with freckles, I just can’t provide that requisite identity composite.

Last week I got a call from them, and it wasn’t under the best circumstances. (We hung out as platonic friends about two months ago, and it was perfectly fine. The breakup didn’t end our friendship, just our intimacy.) They told me the person they had left me for had broken up with them, for a heartbreaking reason.

They came to me for nurturing, which I had no problem helping to give. I was genuinely sad for them for experiencing this breakup, because I know they were very connected to this other gender-fluid person, especially in kink.

This person received the best consideration I could give in the moment, but they even said something that blew my mind away with its honesty, and it put a spotlight on an important thought. They said, “You treated me so well, and I pushed you away because of it… then I ran towards people who treated me horribly.” That’s a subject for another post, but it’s what happened.

I don’t know what will happen between us next, now that they have started speaking to me again (their last partner didn’t want them talking to me) but it’s a strange shift in poly when a serious former partner or lover suddenly reappears in your world.

What would you do?

Addi Stewart

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