Polyamory is fun in a variety of ways that can’t be neatly assembled in a consecutive order of goodies from top to bottom, such and such.
I have been poly for over a decade, and I will never forget when I decided “fuck this monogamy shit!”
I had spent one year with a wonderful woman who I focused all my sexual and intellectual spotlights on, yet felt her exit stage left when she couldn’t forget about the polyamorous lover I was with for six years before her. She feared that I would always want something similar (which was not true), and so she ended it. Oy vay!
After that, I was like “Polyamory time… TO THE MAXXX” and I spent a year with three different lovers who all knew about each other, and two of which even had a make-out session on my balcony the first time they met. This was a wonderful evolutionary insight of possibility to a young polyamorous man like myself!
But the thing I want to speak on is where this all leads up to: the fact that the ONLY person in the last 10 years of my sex life that I have NO chance to touch, talk to or have any contact with, is the wonderful woman who I was with for a year monogamously. It’s been sad to see she doesn’t feel that the trip to NYC, the meeting of my mother and family, the numerous creative projects we did together, and so many other factors weren’t worthy of keeping me in her emotional rolodex.
But you know who I CAN talk to? Every single other woman I’ve made love to in the last ten years of being poly. It may take a few days, but every single woman I’ve reached out to has returned my calls or emails or texts, saying, “How are you? Nice to hear from you…” and it’s all because of the poly lifestyle, baby.
When a lover I haven’t spoken to in almost a year reaches out after seeing my Facebook post of being stressed out beyond belief, and sending a message saying, “I think you need to come see me, you need good energy around you right now…” because she knows that I always laugh in her presence, and the sex is always beyond tremendous. If it wasn’t for polyamory, I wouldn’t hear from this woman, and be able to just go over to her house, open my heart and soul instantly, get back into the groove we had so many months before, giggle together, cuddle together, and then fuck each other’s brains out until we are both spent and exhausted with bliss.
If I was monogamous, there’s a very strong chance that I would be dreaming of doing that, but not doing that at all, and maybe just eating food with her, and possibly getting a hug goodnight, and maybe a kiss, if I played every single one of my cards right. I’m not in grade nine anymore!
Far too much life is lost when people aren’t able to be honest with their lovers, whether long lost or full of NRE. But when it’s been a while… cherish it deeply. It may continue again like a flame resurrected, or it may be a flickering flare of feelings that fades as soon as the fun is done. Fuck it. Love it anyways.