Stories

Polyamory: Mo Relationships Mo Problems?

Man Surrounded by Women at Bar

Which movie character is the worst one you can think of, romantically? There are quite a few cads and men of ill repute who have been in movies and also had songs written about them. And I’m sure that these dastardly characters have been immortalized on camera and in music because they have been inspired from REAL-LIFE HEARTBREAKS!

Whether a player or a cheater, a ladies man or a saboteur, there are countless examples of men (and some women, I remember Fatal Attraction and 9 1/2 Weeks) who were horrid to their partners!

Almost ALL the movies and songs we watch or listen to with horrible examples of bad relationship behavior are based upon NON-ARTICULATED polyamory (which is just cheating and screwing around, NOT real polyamory at all). One person is with multiple people, which is always treated as a bad thing instead of a plot point to introduce mature communication and new boundaries.

After the evil dastardly poly-player’s lifestyle is reconsidered in some false moment of truth and reflection, he or she always defaults to being monogamous, settling down with one person, and thinking that’s it for the rest of their life.

I want to see the movie where they pick up with someone’s life five years after their happily-ever-after marriage, when they realize it’s become HELL! Because we all make mistakes.

Polyamory mistakes can be way worse than monogamous mistakes. And depending on the severity of the issue—it doesn’t matter the definition of the relationship—things can be extreme and require medical and professional help. The hidden lesson I want to highlight is that having multiple partners at the same time, and then having some kind of heartbreak chaos separation emergency can lead to catastrophes BEYOND BELIEF AND COMPREHENSION.

Two of my lovers and I are in a situation that is far too complex to type out in words, but let me share a little. One of them is perpetually uncomfortable with the other, and I will not allow it to imbalance the connections that I believe are possible within our potential. Thus I have carried on parallel relationships with both for over a year, with one of them holding unnecessary animosity towards the other while I douse the flames of insecurity as often as possible.

It got to a breaking point recently, and now I can’t continue relationships with both lovers. ONE of them has to change. But I don’t have a road map to navigate the pseudo-separation of two lovers (out of the eight I have), and the adjustment of new relations. I ended up double booking with both of them, and it was NOT good when it was revealed to one of them. I made a huge mistake in polyamory, and it hurt my lover and thus me, dearly.

I had to take a few days to think to myself and re-evaluate my choices, before I could apologize to my lover who I hurt, and then promise her that I wouldn’t do it again. The bottom line: polyamory holds the ability to make mistakes that monogamous men could never have nightmares or dreams big enough for.

Big love disasters require much bigger cleanups after mistakes. But love is trial and error. And to err is human, to forgive divine.

Have you had similar poly relationship issues? Please share in the comments!

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