Mind Games vs. Integrity in Poly Dating

I really try to live in love all the time, every day and with everyone I’m with. It’s the formula for paradise on earth, in my eyes!

So when people treat me like shitbags of dirt when I’m trying to treat them like moneybags of gold, I get disappointed and gracefully bow out from having their fear and skepticism sully my good happiness.

To love and to not let ego be the prime directive in one’s life is my main dream. BUT (and like Sir Mix-a-Lot, I like big buts, and I can not lie) I have reached a breaking point, a tipping point, a crossroads of sorts, and I can’t, can not, CAIN’T go back!

I have to stand up for my damn self, speak truth to power, and be myself no matter the cost and consequences! I have decided to start calling out flakes, mind-game players and people who ghost. I will not allow these people to dirty my life by having their lackluster moral fiber wipe up against the shit I’m trying to do with my life and dreams. Nuh-uh!

Someone recently said we live in the “Golden Age of Irresponsibility” or “Neglect”, and it’s because of technology and social media’s ubiquitous tentacle-like grasp on all our sensory faculties that so many people drop the crystal ball of friendship or relationship or basic human honor, when the time comes for both people to be upstanding decent creatures to each other and themselves.

The always relevant #menaretrash and the recent #metoo have helped women’s issues with men’s eons old harassment and abuse move front and center to the conversation for justice, healing and reconciliation of what we hope to not be irreconcilable differences in our fundamental differences. I blab all that to blab: women also can be problematic!

We spend so much energy breaking down (or just attempting to break down) the infinite iceberg that is #toxicmasculinity, that it’s often overlooked when some women fail to take responsibility for their own actions and inaction towards the few good men left!

I met someone at a sex club. We hit it off splendidly and exchanged numbers. Said she wanted to make plans. I tried to do that. Then she disappeared—for two years. I saw her on Toronto Islands a few weeks ago for the first time since, where I greeted her with joy and respect.

She ran in my direction, jumped and straddled me among dozens of people waiting for the next ferry. She then started sucking my face in a very wonderful way that I won’t complain about whatsoever. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and kept necking with me for ten minutes.

Her friend was getting flustered, so we stopped. Then we re-exchanged numbers, and I said, “Let’s meet up in a few days.”

She said “sounds great!”

“I’m free Tuesday,” I texted, “are you?”

“Yes, I am free, I’d love to see you!” she replied.

I sent her a message Monday night about confirming plans—nothing. I texted again Tuesday afternoon—nothing. Again three weeks later—nothing. Now, if we had never kissed or knew each other, I’d kinda understand. But I don’t think this is acceptable behaviour from someone who you’ve exchanged saliva with, as well as contacts more than once.

I’m a nice, forgiving, humble magnificent gentleman, and after a few weeks of patiently waiting for a reply of any kind that acknowledged my existence or our plans, I decided to become a GHOSTBUSTER. I ain’t afraid of no ghost! I called her out and sent her a very clear text: “I thought me being honest would inspire you to be honest. Well, I hope you treat the next guy better than you treat me. Peace.”

I will not sit back idle while a woman who I’ve done nothing wrong to treats me like I’m a skid mark on silk lingerie! I love being poly, free, and with whoever the moment feels right with, but I also love being honest, safe, and responsible to those who I make plans with. How bout dem apples?

It felt good to send that text. It feels even better to have so many poly partners who do WANT to reply in a reasonable manner that I don’t care if she apologizes to me or not! My love life is that good and has that much integrity. The women and people who see me repeatedly seem to enjoy it QUITE a lot…

Addi Stewart

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