Married Swingers Tell All: What Swinging in Marriage is Really Like

Have you ever wondered what love and sex are like for married swingers?

How does married swinging work in real life? What is married swinging like for those who play that way? Are sex and relationships better off or worse off for married swingers? Is married swinging better than other kinds of ethical non-monogamy?

Inquiring minds want to know!

How Does Swinging Affect a Marriage?

Whether you’re already polyamorous and thinking about swinging with your spouse, or you’re monogamous and want to open the relationship with married swinging, you are probably thinking about how swinging can affect a marriage.

Like anything else, there are pros and cons, and those depend on individuals, expectations, and personal perspective.

Read: Swinger Pros and Cons: The Benefits and Challenges of Swinging

Married swinging tends to work really well to draw couples closer and build on intimacy and trust and excitement when both people are really into it and have practical expectations.

Married swingers who are already having relationship issues or who aren’t both enthusiastic about the idea might have other stuff to sort out and their experiences reflect those complications. Of course, swinging means meeting other people, and dating is always tricky, messy, and thrilling!

Read: Swinger Relationship Basics: What to Know

Married Swingers Share Their Stories

Here, readers like you share their experiences of married swinging.

Swinging Reignited the Passion in our Marriage

“Ted here. Esther and I have always had a strong relationship. We did it every which way in our 20s, of course, but eventually sex got a bit routine. We just kind of stopped having it, and one day realized it had been more than a year. I made the mistake of telling Esther I didn’t need sex anymore, hoping to reassure her that our marriage was built on much more.

She said she missed feeling alive and excited. We tried some kinky stuff and some toys, and one day my wife said she’d read a story about middle-aged swingers and asked if I wanted to try going to a swinger party. Well, that was five years ago, and let me tell you, we are having the time of our lives.

We like to swing with other older couples about once a month or so. We have brunches with our swinging friends at our place. And in between, we can barely keep our hands off of each other. Who knew life was just beginning? I wouldn’t have ever thought about becoming married swingers!” – Ted, 53

Read: How to Find Swinger Couples

Married Swinging is the Best Solution to My High Libido

“I married the hottest woman in the world, honestly, so I was surprised that her interest in sex was sporadic and her sex drive much lower than mine. She is into it roughly twice a week at best. I wanted more and felt a bit deprived.

Lisa gets more from dressing up, flirting, fooling around, and socializing then from sex itself, and I need more sex and variety, so swinging fills different needs for each of us while keeping us having the experiences together.” – Patrick, 25

Read: How to Introduce Your Partner to Swinging

The Swing Set Started Off Rocky, but We Stayed the Course

“Married swinging appealed to both my husband and myself because we both enjoy meeting people, are super horny, and we’re not monogamous by nature but wanted to prioritize our relationship. We decided to give it a go.

My emotions ran away with me, and I ran away with my first extra lover. After a week of paying for motels, dinners, wine, and gas, I realized I had been a bit hasty and there was no connection beyond the sexual fun. Diego was hurt, but ultimately we laughed it off and recommitted to our deep bond. That was ten years ago.

I would advise people who try swinging to give it a fair shot. Just like any other kind of sex or dating, the first few tries aren’t going to be something to write home about. But then you get the hang of it, or the swing of it, and it’s amazing fun.” – Maria, 36

Read: Tips for Your First Time Swinging

Swinging Ruined My Marriage, and I Blame Myself

“I had fantasized a million times about my wife making love to other men—or women. It got me hard and got me off like nothing else. I was more excited about hearing about her erotic experiences than about new partners for myself! But it turned out fantasy is not reality.

I just couldn’t get the pictures out of my head, of her with someone else. I didn’t handle it well and got all jealous. My wife pointed out the obvious—that the whole thing was my idea—and eventually left me because she couldn’t live with my obsessive jealousy. I don’t blame her, I blame myself.” – Zach, 28

Read: Why Open Relationships Don’t Work

I Married a Swinger

“I had never considered swinging, it just wasn’t something I was exposed to. But I was really attracted—body and soul—to this guy in my writing group, and he was upfront about being a swinger before we even went out.

It just seemed natural to expand my horizons. Now we are married, and we love swinging.” – Katie, 30

Read: How to Find Swinger Parties Near You

Been There, Done That

“My wife and I tried married swinging. We enjoyed ourselves for a couple of years. But after a while, it felt like an awful lot of work for a fast high, and we just weren’t that into it anymore.

The social aspect was also too much. It was fun while it lasted. Now we’re experimenting with some kinky stuff, just her and me though.” – Erik, 41

Read: Swinger Games: 11 Swinger Party Games to Try

Swinging Was My Idea, and I Still Love It

“We married young and meant it for keeps. But the thrill of sex wears off from familiarity. I was craving that old fire and finding sex was dull. George insisted he was just as happy as he was when we were fucking every minute. But I wasn’t.

I loved him, and I couldn’t imagine trading our love in for a passing fantasy. So leaving was out of the question. I suggested we try married swinging to enjoy some excitement and variety.

I felt like a woman again, and I love that I’m going home to George after. We usually make love the next day after swinging, sharing our adventures and feeling really horny and really close.” – Svetlana, 33

For more stories, read Readers Share Their First Time Swinger Stories.

Can you relate to any of these married swinger stories?