How to Treat Your Poly Partners

How Much Pain Would You Cause?

Ahoy, mateys and matrons! I hope your painkillers are working well!

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So, there’s been a Game Of Thrones kind of philosophy thing that I’ve been dealing with, and it sucks shit and puke, it’s so horrifyingly foul.

You know there’s this fundamental underlying hope in the grand scheme of life, that the people you are family with will treat you with love and respect and dignity, kindness and equality, right? I’m not just huffing cheap airplane glue, that’s an idea you’ve heard and been told, correct? Yeah, I once heard that too. And I hoped it was true, because I have many family members, brothers and adopted sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of that good stuff.

BUT recently, it’s been brutally bashed into my innocent soft little skull like a spiked mace made of deception and surprise, that there’s ANOTHER very real possibility in life that family can bring to your reality: they may be the worst people you ever met. YES. YOUR FAMILY JUST MIGHT BE THE WORST PEOPLE YOU HAVE EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!

Sad but true.

My burlesque teacher said, “Imagine in the Middle Ages! Some people who were family to royalty actually had NO WORSE ENEMY than their brothers or sisters! If they had a kingdom to inherit, sometimes, the person’s brother was the #1 most lethal enemy this person would have ever met in their life, and a stranger on the street would give them more respect and less danger than their own flesh-and-blood family members.

Your next-door neighbor might be a better friend to you than your own sibling or close relative with a competing interest in some form. The world is just this fucked up! Don’t blame me, I didn’t make these realities, I just see them and make fun of them while I avoid their shitty consequences the best I can. So, since you should know I am EXTREMELY open minded, yet do NOT endorse incest, you may be wondering why the fuck is he talmbout family members in a polyamory post?

Aye. Well, here’s the rub: I heard a similar saying that equates to basically the same thing, if not worse, considering the people we are polyamorously playing paradise with are sexually and emotionally connected to us in ways that our family probably will never be. So even if you have a decade of memories with your brothers and sisters, you didn’t lose your virginity to any of them, thus they will not have access to your emotional core like others will.

The point of this entire ramble is a truth that I don’t know the depths of, and hope to NEVER know, to be honest, since it’s a truth that can be extrapolated from a single cheating text message from a one-night-stand to the end of a sex partner’s very life, if the most violent and savage reactions are sadly chosen. I heard this saying, and I thought it was excruciatingly accurate in regards to the reality it reveals about sex.

“You never truly know someone until you know how far they will go to hurt your feelings or break your heart.

And in polyamory, considering how much more information we share with each other about each other and each other’s partners, and about the secrets, fantasies, dreams, fears, joys and hopes that we want from our untraditional realtionships, poly pain can go a LOT farther than monogamous pain, if someone wants to take it there.

But… don’t.

Never discover how far you can go to hurt someone. Stay as close to love as possible.

Addi Stewart

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