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How I Navigate Poly Boundaries with My Partners

Couple Snuggling Under Covers

No matter how sexy you are, you can improve your radiance. And no matter how good things are with a person, things can get better. That’s one of polyamory’s best magical jewels in life, trust me!

I have been blessed over and over and over again in ways that can’t be measured and described fully. But the thing is, there needs to be boundaries in place to allow the blissful blessings to begin flowing into life, or else things get sloppy and scattered.

There’s so much joy and beauty and potential to be manifested on earth in this lifetime. I have had ZERO ending to the surprising possibilities of polyamory, and where it takes my dreams. The problem is, sometimes the dreams overlap each other in a major way, and the poly lifestyle gets super complicated.

I don’t always have the answers, but sometimes I do. It all depends on who you are with and what the answer to the sexy situation is. I have some partners who are totally open to random free-world poly, where anything can happen at any moment—they accept the consequences and connections that come to life.

I have other partners who are absolutely the opposite, and refuse to allow any situations to come to life when they are around, even though they know I am poly and accept it. It’s a very complicated balancing act to navigate, especially if you ever want any of these lovers to cross paths one day and meet up.

One of my polyamory commandments: you can’t allow your own desires and needs to always override those of your partners, or else you are a selfish partner and that’s the kinda person that doesn’t get to conduct polyamory long term with lovers who aren’t subject to problematic circumstances. Don’t be THAT person!

So, say you’re out on a special date with a special person, and you’re having a wonderful and groovy time. You are attracting random people’s conversational energy, and you’re both radiant magnetic people simply because that’s your nature—to be open to people and attract the truth and kindness of people of similar minds, bodies and souls. This kind of couple sometimes is just TOO GOOD to not attract like electric energy.

So, what do you do if you’re out with a lover, and you see someone else you KNOW you want to make one of your lovers? What are your rules of engagement? Do you pretend they don’t exist? Do you have to swallow all your emotions and observations about this other person, because you are out in public with one of your lovers? Do you have to deny yourself a chance at new passion? Do you have to say “not tonight honey, I have a headache” to destiny?

I have some partners who don’t want me to acknowledge ANY other people when I’m out with them, and sometimes they have problems with me even knowing other people in public as friends, never mind the jealousy of lovers or ex-lovers. It’s a little rough on me to be with these partners in public, but we all make the sacrifices we make to be in the relationships we are in, right? Right.

I was out with a very central partner in my life (I don’t like using the word “primary.”) Things were awesome. We were at a barbecue on a nude beach, having a great time. Next you know, I see someone magnetic to my eyes. We both smiled and were instantly attracted to each other, and I didn’t want to deny myself this moment. It was TOO powerful and real. I could tell this person would mean a lot to me, so I wanted to gently bring them together.

I spoke first to her male suitor/partner/guest with all the respect and honor I could muster, before he introduced me to her. All of us were on our way to becoming friends. I was happy with where things were going, and I went back to let my lover (who I’d come with) know that I cherished her deeply and was happy to be there with her, but I just wasn’t in the mood to kill the beautiful potential I saw oh so close beside us.

So I’ve done my best since to make all three relationships co-exist… and it’s working! I’ve maintained a lovely connection with my first lover, and started something special with the other two lovely souls I met. And I felt like it was within the public poly protocol for our relationship. She is sleeping in bed beside me as I write this, and I’ve just received a text from my new lover.

So I suppose things are going as wonderfully as they possibly could, all things considered. Sharing is caring!

I love everyone,
Adhimu Stewart

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