Stories

How Good Are You at Goodbyes?

Woman Texting

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty long term when it comes to most love situations in my life. I’m not a teenager in high school anymore with all the free time and space that I had in those days to hang out with people and just watch TV, smoke weed, drink and fuck.

At this time in space, it’s good to have whatever kind of relationships we can manifest while trying to survive in the city, keep a hold on to our places of employment, our sanity, as well as connections with others who support us.

But nobody is or should have to do ALL the work in supporting each other, which is one of the main reasons why I don’t endorse monogamy’s massive pressure (it doesn’t always happen, but it does sometimes) for one person to be another person’s everything. I can understand and relate to that pressure in many ways.

I had a strong connection that lasted many years. In my mind it is still alive because the last thing I expressed to her was my desire to continue a friendship that may include some low-key intimacy but nothing sexual.

I had to take some space in communication for my own reasons that were not deep or harsh, but that were somewhat professional and somewhat personal. I never intended on ending things forever with this person who I’d been deeply intimate with for five full years.

I reached out to say hello to them two weeks ago. They ignored my call—completely. We are on all the same social media, so I see their thoughts and they see mine, but when I tried to reconnect in the real world, they vanished.

It feels more like an ending than at any other time. If they decided to change their mind and not connect to me anymore in any way shape or form (but talk about other partners openly, knowing I am seeing it, while I am doing the same thing) then I have to live and learn and listen to what they are saying with their silence. That’s all I have.

Poly relationships can come and go over many years, and things don’t ever have to be final if you don’t think or act like it, emotionally. But if you choose to end things: how good are you at clearly, respectfully and properly communicating your goodbyes?

It’s a skill worth learning to do with honor.

I promise,
Addi Stewart

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