We don’t need to go past our limits to discover them because that could be painful and cause repercussions that never heal fully. There are other ways to find out our limits with grace and awareness, and I try to choose those avenues in my relationships.
I was recently in a low energy vibe and wanted to be very quiet and introverted. It went on for a few days, and even though I had spent the last six days with different lovers and friends in various capacities, I just needed some alone time and space to think and rest. I took it and didn’t hesitate. It’s important to recharge and heal as a professional porn sex worker—if I don’t, I will burn out trying to service and satisfy and please everyone.
I’d rather dip out for a bit, even if it seems unprofessional to some. I’m a human, not a sex robot! Well, I actually AM a sex robot, but I need to go in for repairs and a tune up every once in a while, or else I’ll stop functioning!
I was resting recently when I got a call from a lover who I had reconnected with the week before. We had a hell of a time in the sack, sexually satisfying one another. I was in a good head space when I saw her, but this time was different.
I got her message while I was recharging: “Can we talk right now?” And I had to be honest with her. I couldn’t reply with the conversation mind frame that she wanted and needed. It would have been extremely insincere for me to say that I was going to be there for her when she needed someone who was 100%. I wasn’t able to be that person, for the first time in a while.
I’m not always her go-to guy for emotional support, and I won’t pretend to be. But I help out when I can, and we do share a strong internal connection. I know about her lovers and her issues, and I try to help analyze and understand them better, especially as they pertain to me.
It’s not often that I say “no” to my lovers, as I try to offer anything in my possession or my essence when I’m available. But when I have to say no, it’s real. So I did. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to even let me know if the bad vibe went away, it was that bad for her.
I hope to help soon, but when we are broken, we can’t fix anyone else partially or properly. I am happy to try and love her again when I’m back to my full generous self, but I can’t be the poly lover I like to be when I’m not complete in my chest and consciousness. For me, an unwilling yes is worse than a hesitant no!
Are you able to say “no” to your poly partners?