First-Five-Minutes Rule in Polyamory

What do You say in the first five minutes you meet someone? Do you tell them you’re poly or not?

I do now.

I was in line for a concert a few weeks back, and there was waaaay too many people in line.

I was stuck in line behind dozens of people, waiting for my lover, listening to what other people had to say to each other for almost an hour. I got nearly furious at one point, I have to admit.

Why? Because I could almost predict the questions that were coming out of some women and men’s mouths. I could guess two things in particular: one, they were probably monogamous, and they were probably attracted to… well, I don’t want to get too judgemental, I really don’t know the actual answer.

It was automatic for them to ask questions like, “Where do you work?” or “Is that a management position?” or “Do you own a car?” or “Do you rent or own?” and other surface job-interview-like questions with little emotion. NOTHING about their happiness at their job, nothing about their personality, the books they read, the art they love or hate, nothing personal, nothing passionate, nothing vulnerable or REAL.

I was nearly sick listening to the banality, I’m sorry and serious. Someone even said, “This feels like an interview, ha ha!” before retorting, “What’s your blood type?” Then there was laughter, but it was awkward. Nobody exchanged phone numbers. I was so frustrated hearing this monogamous conservative tradition unfold among people who were CLEARLY attracted to each other.

I saw so many beautiful people at this event, but one of the prevailing jokes for the women in line were how many of them were willing to become pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen for Jidenna, because he’s a very attractive and charismatic artist. I’d carry his baby, trust me! Ha ha.

Anyways, my lover came and waited with me. We were surrounded by seemingly single, monogamous sexy folks stressing over situations they wanted but weren’t willing to experience sexually. And… we never made it in.

IRONICALLY, this venue was previously the Wicked Sex Club, the very first place I had a threesome, and where I created a lot of polyamorous magic. After saying this aloud in line, I could feel the moral resistance to this ideology.

Anyways, I went home with my lover, kinda pissed off that we didn’t get into the show, which had happy, sweaty people walking out.

The next day, I woke up to discover Jidenna did an interview on The Breakfast Club, promoting polyamory and open relationships!

What do you share in the first five minutes of meeting someone?

Addi Stewart

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