Finding Secondary Lovers

I was with my girlfriend for a year, and we always talked about polyamory and would describe our relationship as being poly. But at the same time, we weren’t doing anything about it. It made for some hot fantasies, but when it came to actually getting out there and finding lovers we were both being lazy.

At the same time, I think we were both feeling a slight sense of boredom and the desire to flirt with different people—something that would inject fresh life into our situation. I thought my girl liked the idea in principle—she even kept encouraging me—but I was also worried that we were sliding into monogamy because we weren’t getting out there. If you don’t use it, you will lose it.

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Finally I decided to see if we really were polyamorous by going to a bar once or twice a week and flirting with people. I thought I’d start easy. I’d flirt and see if it pissed my girlfriend off. Next I’d try making out with someone, or maybe stealing a kiss. If that didn’t bother her—if it excited her—I would up the ante again.

I started doing this by steps and degrees, gently acclimatizing her to the idea that we were in an open relationship. One night, after a month or two of this, I came home from the bar, ready to talk about my adventures. I got a woman’s number, I was ready to say! I’m gonna go on a date, like we talked about.

Well! I came in and my girlfriend met me at the door. She had a confession to make. She had invited an old friend over for a drink, a guy who has just gotten out of a divorce. He had been with a woman who neglected him sexually, and he was miserable. My girlfriend, since we were in an open relationship after all, decided to blow him. She’d sucked his cock and now he was asleep up in our bed.

He wanted to fuck, she said, but I didn’t know if I was ready for it. Still, she told me, if you want to join in, you two could both fuck me together. She was tired of me waiting to make up my damn mind and decided to act for herself.
After this the gloves were off (but the condoms were on!) I called that lady from the bar and took her out. I levelled with her about my open relationship and even invited her to meet my girlfriend. She was intrigued. Life can be pretty interesting when you keep things open!

Also read: The Privileges of Polyamory

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