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Communication in Triad Poly Relationships

Couple in Argument in Bed

What’s Appropriate To Say About Other Lover’s Lovers?

So, I was in a bit of a pickle recently, and it was a big fat one. Crunch. Hard. Wet. Even juicy! And definitely hard to swallow.

The situation has a set-up: this is about a wonderful couple who I’m with, and the amazing relationship we all share… plus a new event.

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So, we all share each other, and have fun. We’ve had threesomes, it’s been awesome. But mostly we both just make love to the woman. She’s an angel and absolutely one of the best partners I’ve ever had in my entire existence on this earth. I love her dearly and massively.

We fuck like rabbits in Wonderland on ecstacy and drunk off lust. It’s perfect exactly the way it is, sexually. There are other issues, but meh. It’s worth it. We all respect each other’s boundaries, and all let the love grow as far as it can, considering the circumstances of living and loving.

It’s been nearly a year that we’ve all been friends and lovers together, and I’m happy, as well as watching them be happy with what I bring to them.

Except something changed for a moment. There was unhappiness. And I was informed of its depth, in the moment it was deepest. Yet, I was never a part of a scenario that hit hearts so very close to home.

So I didn’t know what to say. I was not unsure of what I wanted to say. That wasn’t the issue. It was that I wasn’t sure what I was ALLOWED to say.

Being in a threesome-kinda-polyamorous bond, but NOT being part of the primary connection, made me wonder what was off limits to say?

I had thoughts, feelings, perspective, observations. But what I did not have was declared space and prepared time. This was totally new—to all of us! No one knew what to not to say, what to ask, what to not ask, what to keep personal and what to give to everyone. It was unique.

I think what happened, is that we went a little bit too far, and then knew that words were not necessary to share if they couldn’t be completely transparent on every level.

The amount of trust and connection we all made with the relationship thus far would be able to negotiate and navigate any instability and insecurity anyone might be having, whether we express it all. or let it dissipate over time and space.

We said, “Let’s keep this safe and sound in our hearts, and understand that these imperfections are a small price to pay for the big picture we’re all painting together,” and made peace and love with the whole situation.

Each of us occupies a different part of the triad, and each of us has benefits and drawbacks to their intimate opportunities, and contributions to the connection being created together. And it’s a good thing to have both. For all three of us.

And it won’t all ever be put into words, even though we should try to communicate as much as we have the courage to.

Even if sometimes we may say things that only a couple of us are able to hear or share… love will say the rest.

In truth,
Addi Stewart

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