People separate or break up forever for so many different reasons. It’s not something that I hold an authoritative stance on whatsoever. In my life I do my best to keep some kind of connection going with people unless it’s TOXIC as fuck and needs a period on the sentence, not a comma and a continuation.
Read: 4 Signs Your Poly Relationship Is Toxic
There’s an issue that I’ve been dealing with in my personal life for about six months now, and I can’t find the solution!
A partner of mine has a problem with understanding ONE thing in my life. Besides that, we have a very harmonious connection in EVERY other thing that matters to me. We watch NBA basketball together and enjoy it. We share meals together. We travel out of town here and there, having fun on the road. We talk about the media and converse about the world we live in today, and how wild it is. We have a solid foundation, and it keeps us in touch with each other’s perspective, until… The ONE Issue comes out.
My partner cannot see my connections, my other relationships, in a balanced light.
Facing Issues Head On with Your Partners
She is NOT able to really understand this ONE part of my life in a way that makes me feel comfortable with how she sees me, and this is enough to cause many an argument, and many moments of discomfort. It seems like we slide all the way back to the beginning of our roots when we can’t see eye to eye on things, and it’s only the ONE issue that we butt heads on.
It’s a vicious cycle that has gone on for months and months, and has brought us to therapy in our relationship as well. I don’t know what to do when things are so wonderful for so long, and then things just crash and burn when The Question is asked, and my life is put under a microscope and my behavior is questioned and skeptically analyzed. That’s not the case with any of my other partners.
Read: How to Handle Conflicts in Your Polycule
How large is this issue? That’s for me to decide, and for me to make a choice about how much I can deal with someone who can’t wrap their head around my style of polyamory. She says it’s not a big issue and that she just needs time to grow at her own pace. I understand those words, BUT it’s been nearly three years that we’ve been together! So I’m feeling exhaustion around my emotional areas where we connect morals and motives.
Can One Issue Destroy a Relationship?
Do you have ONE issue that threatens the health of your relationship. Does it have to be this big? Nope! You could have issues with your partner about leaving the toilet seat up! Maybe they have bad breath. Maybe they don’t respect your mother and father. Maybe you don’t like the same music. Maybe you have never been with someone in their religion. Maybe this is your first interracial relationship, and you’ve said your first “foot in mouth” statement about their culture. Maybe you’re a vegan and they can’t stop eating bacon! Maybe they’re getting into BDSM and you’re scared of exploring it.
Who knows what your red line will be, and what you can’t negotiate. But you will learn what that line is. I’m at my wit’s end with my partner and my relationship, and we are about to make a decision that we can make peace with.
Read: 3 Must-Haves for Healthy Polyamory Relationships
I’m doing all I can to hold this person in my life because I love her, but I can’t deal with her misunderstanding and the perpetual issue coming to rear its ugly head whenever. So we will see where this goes.
We all have our own boundaries as to where we will no longer be able to hold truth in or hold back. Please decide what boundaries you will choose in your relationship, and then have a nice dinner together… while you talk.
Sincerely,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart
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