Stories

Breaking Unhealthy Poly Connections

Woman Leaving Man

I don’t know anyone else as forgiving as myself. I have dealt with people with mental health issues galore and beyond comprehension, I work professionally doing emotional healing and relationship therapy.

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I have worked with kids, teens, peers, parents, elders, and even people in the hospital. Both erotically and emotionally!

I have a source of compassion, and I have constant access to it, please believe it. I have so many polyamorous relationships and friendships that I can’t go out in public without seeing someone I know, and people who travel with me in public know this for a fact.

If we have somewhere to go at a certain time, it takes real effort sometimes to not stop for all the people-based distractions… if not my gravitation to creating love and beautiful connections out of every possible opportunity it feels genuinely appropriate. That’s how I roll, baby!!

But… I realized there comes a very serious time when the rolling does NOT rock right, and the brakes gotta get stepped on with both feet. Maybe even the hand brake gotta get pulled up too, and the whole damn vehicle gotta get pulled to the side of the road!

I certainly had to do that recently, and this was with someone I really really REALLY thought was going to be there with me fifty years from now. They may still be, I did not give up on them at all, but the break that just happened… WOW. This one is a chopping of things.

This is a break-UP. An end to everything we had thus far. A halting. A ceasing. An ending.

I have a few lovers who I stopped seeing consistently for one reason or another. But if they make a comment to me on social media, or randomly text me, or if I see them in public, I will say hello. I will share my feelings and will not hold back, and I will be very honest in my feelings and thoughts about where we stand.

Sometimes we both know and feel we don’t want or need to be sexual with each other at this particular juncture in our relationship, so we are focusing on other things.

Some people have the psychic understanding to express this without speaking… you just call each other when you both want each other, and it may pause here or there. That’s some people’s poly. I have it with a couple lovers, and it’s fine. But I say all this above to say: with one of my lovers, I have NOTHING anymore.

They abused me verbally, emotionally, and even economically. And I bent over backwards and inside out to help them reach equality with me, but there was a pattern of pain production and a refusal to accept certain responsibilities in our business relationship that revealed some harsh truths and cold facts I had to face faster than I ever thought.

Some people can come and go, some people are meant to be short term, some people are a slow burn that is semi-consistent but present, some people are good quickies.

Some people are ones you wish, worry and want them to last a long fucking time in your life. And sometimes it happens, and they are your poly partner in crime.

Sometimes, that criminal stabs you in the back of the heart. Everything’s fair in love and war, they say. But when someone does something unfair, gracefully bow out.

In love,
Addi Stewart

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