Branching Out from Your Primary Partner

If you have a significant other, it’s important that you keep them in the loop about your dating plans. I was seeing my girlfriend for a year before I even began to see others. Some people wait way less time (not even a week), but because I really like the person I am with, I wanted to make sure we had a strong foundation before we moved on with more complex love affairs.

Or maybe it was that I didn’t meet anyone else I liked as much. My girlfriend said I was just being closed off. She saw two different guys during the period of that year. I was totally fine with that, and I encouraged her. I’ve been trying to get her to go out on a date with this lady she’s into, as well. I hope they get it on in our clawfoot tub and show me the photos. Really.

I think back to my old relationships. With my last girlfriend, I always had a mistress of some kind or other. It just made more sense because sometimes when you have a long-term relationship, or you live together, the sex can get stale. Seeing another person can take the edge off. It can give you a night where you live something different and involve yourself in a different drama. And it can also give you access to different pheromones and rejuvenate your vitality.

I saw a lot of hot women during my last relationship. In this one, we talked about me dating other people, but I kept holding back on taking any steps. Only recently have I begun to open myself up. I started being bold enough to tell my girlfriend when I had met someone cute, when I had asked them on a date. She encouraged me to bring them home and hang out with them on the couch—make out with them on the couch.

It was bizarre at first, but also kind of hot. Sometimes I would do it when my girlfriend was home, and other times I would have the dates in when she was out. I ended up having great drunken sex on my kitchen floor, and then when my girlfriend got home I told her all about it. She got so turned on that she fucked me in exactly the same spot two hours later. I slept well that night.

Jealousy is bound to ensue in these kinds of arrangements. Sometimes the guys she meets try to get all alpha about the situation and dominate me, or steal my girl away. They don’t get it. They’re basically Neanderthal types—walking cocks with baseball hats on. She never calls them back, because they have bad attitudes. The point in polyamory is that everyone needs to feel safe and comfortable. There needs to be first and foremost a foundation of respect and love. People who don’t get the point can hang out back in the stone age where they belong.

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