Asking a Friend to Be Polyamorous

There are certain people who you just have solid acquaintanceships with, and that’s that. Thank goodness, not everyone in life is weighed down with the possibility of producing pleasure potential, and thus, some people you just don’t gotta put on airs or nice clothes or even polite manners for.

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Your good friends can deal with you when you’re pissy and mopey and unhappy and unfucked, if you ever slide into a sexual slump or something (another good reason to be polyamorous! But, I digress.)

There are some friends who have been just that for years, and it’s coolio. But then dangerous minds start to think about possibilities. Sometimes. I’m asking if you have ever gone there with a very old friend in life. Because I took the leap, and it was something I was very glad I did. Even though it did not manifest into le manger à la genitalia, it was still a wonderful clearing of the invisible clouds between us.

You see, I always had a little crush on one of my old hip-hop homegirls. Many concerts, drunken after-parties, various public encounters, similar social values and a je ne sais quoi that I couldn’t put my finger on (literally) kept us close, but not too close for comfort. I always thought she was cute, and she always said lovely things about me, but we never did the damn thing.

Fast forward a decade, and I’m doing porn and writing for polyamory blogs. I saw her recently, and she had evolved. Physically, mentally, spiritually and artistically—I saw a new level of her. And I didn’t hesitate in expressing my new-found blossoming desire, even though we had been platonic friends for over a decade. I told her about my poly life, my porn life and my personal life with my many lovers. I opened up like never before, and it was delicious. Did she take a bite?

No, of course not. She isn’t poly, and seems to be going through a healing period that requires more abstinence than I’m able to accommodate.

Regardless, it was cathartic to ask an old friend if they wanted to become a new lover. And it was even more pleasant to feel that the answer being “no, thank you, not right now, at least” didn’t change a single thing about our connection.

I’m happy with any result. That’s when you know you got something good going on: Friends with benefits… that aren’t sexual, but could be one day.

It’s a nice grey area to have love live in.

In joy,
Addi Stewart

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