Making Time for Your Poly Partners

Sometimes, you just can’t be there. These days, we’re all very busy and juggling complex lives, especially if we are polyamorous people that are not the type to seek a single partner to provide us with the sex and good vibes we want from our relationships. Some of my partners have hard-line 9-5 jobs or similar eight-hour shifts that make it difficult to get together sometimes, and it causes a primary barrier to any ideas of having some kind of special relationship together.

How do you express your feelings to those you care about when time is an issue?

  • Do you make extra time to call them on the telephone? A rare thing in these days of texting.
  • Do you write special texts or send jokes and pictures and gifs? Maybe they like those things.
  • Do you buy gifts for your partners? That might be the thing that they desire from you.
  • Do you make concrete plans for the future when you are available? It may be needed.
  • Do you show up the next day, and remind them that you’re not far away from their heart and soul?

There are times when you just can’t pick up the phone, and by the time you can call back, they’re asleep.

There are times when your partner wants to come over, but you’re not home, and you just keep missing each other.

There are times when people keep reaching out to you, and you just keep missing their call and their connections.

The most important thing is to not give up. That’s one of the benefits of polyamory: it teaches people to not just expect to manifest monogamous, binary, linear connections to people all the time. Like always expecting someone to be there when you call them, or that they should always want to pick up your call, or that they will always be there and always get together when you want them to. This is unrealistic and childish on a certain level. In high school, that’s a bit more possible to expect, but when we’re older, people have other expectations and priorities. And this doesn’t mean you’re below any of them, but it’s more mature to understand that life is about sharing space with others, and that it’s good to connect with people when you fit into their lives, patiently and passionately. But when the time is right!

Polyamory is like gambling in that sense, and when your numbers come up, scream bingo and go enjoy your prize!(Kind of a cheesy metaphor, but it’s true as far as random chance and opportunity goes… c’est la vie!)

Always in love,
Addi Stewart

Balancing Personal and Polyamory Pursuits

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