Poly Relationships

Balancing Personal and Polyamory Pursuits

Three Students

Have you ever wanted to take a break from having multiple lovers and partners? I have. And it’s NOT easy! Recently I’ve been swamped with options for creative outlets of expression in life, from having a plethora of music projects now offered to me to complete and distribute to the world, to doing nude modeling pretty consistently, to writing a variety of autobiographical stories and piece of journalism to share with the world. It’s all very inspiring and exciting, but… it has left me with very little free time anymore!

And even though my VERY FAVORITE ACTIVITY is making love to my polyamorous lovers in life, I do admit to also feeling it very necessary to not have my entire existence circle around me satisfying my infinitely endless libido and appetite for passion, and also feeling a need and desire to do other things with my day, such as be recognized as the semi-decent writer I can be when I focus, or to create some other interesting projects of art with my skills and imaginative potential. And since, when I’m not working at my day job, I have mostly spent the last 2 or 3 years of my life giving ALL my free time to the satisfaction of my lovers, I have come to realize that I don’t give much time to many other pursuits in my life. They have somewhat become trivial pursuits (but they don’t leave me bored, and I don’t treat it like a game. Even though I liked that board game, ha ha.)

Is my music career a trivial pursuit now that I have a career in sexuality and journalism? No, it is not. Was my physical exercise a trivial pursuit now that I have a career in pornography and art? No, it is not. So, here we are. Me feeling like I want to contribute and commit to giving more time to my personal life, and not having barely any free time to do so. Thus, I must make the sacrifice. The great sacrifice of love. One object of my affection must supercede other objects of my affection. And with greatest power (aka LOVE) comes the greatest responsibility of life: respect? Honor? Compassion? One of those is probably close.

How to do it? Well, there’s the easy and less dignified way: just reach out less, and hope that the connections are strong enough to sustain some added time and space away from one’s lover. But that’s obviously not the preferred method of taking time out. The more wonderful way of doing so, would simply be communicating the change one feels to the lovers that change will affect. To simply express the basic truth is ALWAYS the preferred method of honesty.

For example: “My Love, I have a book to write. I apologize for the distance this will cause, but I need to focus on this. I pray you can understand my need to take some time apart from us so I can complete this vital accomplishment in my life. I will return to you a better human being if I can do this for myself. Thank you!” Something of the sort would be the gentlemanly thing to do, in my case. And even though this will cause some reticence and reservation as one fears revealing a shift in emotional connection and intimate affection, it’s vital to do so and maintain the foundation of one’s polyamorous relationships. Some partners will understand, and may not even need the briefing (such as the lover I have that I only see once every three or four months. She may not even notice!) But to lovers that are more regularly connected with, some kind of communication in regards to the shift in bonding is crucial.

And as much as it may hurt, it will help in the long run to do it, for yourself and for your lovers. Because not only will you be a better lover for communicating such important, relationship-adjusting details like “I need to finish an album so I’ll be mostly unavailable for the next month”, but you will show that you really do want to sustain a connection, even though you will be on a break.

And when you return, it will not only make for a happy reunion, but it will create new reasons to celebrate the relationship, since you will have accomplished a new chapter of creation in yourself, and you will have a brand new thing to be happy about with your lover(s)!

Polyamory Time Management

In love,
Addi Stewart

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