Poly Relationships

Is Forgiving and Forgetting Different in Polyamory?

Couple Breakup

There’s a peculiar perk of polyamory that I think about sometimes. One of the main issues with monogamy for me is that it’s automatically an all-the-eggs-in-one-basket system of relationships, no matter if a person has a lot of other beneficial and thriving relationships in their life.

If their sexual and emotional needs are ONLY coming from one person and only being served and supported and shared with ONE person, then there will feel a limitation and eventually a hesitation to share the depths of the scars and problems that one will feel in the days and nights of life.

Not everyone is in a place where they can say, “my partner is my best friend, and I can share anything with them.” So the good thing I like about polyamory is that there is no ONE person that is my BEST friend above all others. That’s not how I operate, with an emotional or sexual hierarchy, and therefore I have an ever-revolving option of individuals to share my heart and life with.

The polyamory lifestyle does get challenging when times get deeper, and it requires honesty and presence to navigate those complex scenarios with multiple partners.

That being said, what happens when ONE person who you took space and time apart from a long time ago, for whatever logical or illogical reason, decides to come back into your world and requests a sexual connection? It’s easier to know if you were monogamous with someone, and they became toxic or unbalanced with you—if they came back to hook up with you five years later, you have a definitive reason not to.

Are you single, and are they single? Are you healthy, and ARE THEY HEALTHY? If those questions aren’t answered, then it’s super obvious what the next choice should be: No future reconciliation relationship. Easy. But if you are different—polyamorous or into open relationships—then what?

If you have some other partners to share your life with and share your pain with, do you still deal with this blast from the past the same way anyone else would? I say above all other advice: Follow your heart. But if your heart has been scarred or bruised or broken by this person from your past, is that still logical advice to go with? I have no idea half the time.

Following my heart is my broken-record automatic response, and I generally love the results of living my life that way. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sometimes HURT or sometimes NOT WORK! I proceed with caution. I consider many things: Is that person from the ancient past still growing, sincerely interested in me, learning in life and love, and willing to reconnect with me to try and write a new chapter.

The question SHOULD YOU FORGIVE OR FORGET THEM? totally depends on your personal moral system and personal connection with this potential paramour presenting themselves back in your life!

Did you feel like the story was over last time? Or did you feel like there was more love and passion to share?

Only you know,
xo Addi Stewart

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