With the internet being what it is (an electronic universe of pornography, insults and cat videos… plus some more naked stuff), I like some of the ideas that are created by our collective genius and the varying philosophies that come about from everyone sharing thoughts, beliefs, feelings, emotions and everything else happening inside of them in these wild and wonderful times.
One thing that is often discussed with mongamous folks is: “What is cheating?” and “When have you gone too far?” in a world of sexting, Snapchat, Instagram and every other invention that captures pieces of life and makes them possible to share with whoever is interested, or more importantly, invited to enjoy them. But with monogamous people, and certainly married people, the lines are often much more clearly drawn and demarcated, like “You can’t fuck ANYONE else, ever” or “You can’t kiss or grope anyone else, either”, and these are pretty much the MAIN rules of those relationship styles that define the boundaries and belief systems of marriage. It’s supposed to inspire the idea of The One in which all of a person’s desires and dreams reside, and no other person is apparently supposed to provide or inspire any other desire, and it is supposed to continue in this fashion “until death do you part”.
Well, that’s half cute and half creepy. I love the saying: “There should be more than one place to get a hug… and a kiss!” but that’s just me and my value system talking. Please don’t think that I am forcing you to feel the same way, even if I think it’s the most logical and honorable way to connect the human family. It doesn’t work for everybody (unfortunately… and that’s more nurture than nature, I do strongly believe, but I digress.)
I like this deeper idea that runs underneath some other relationship styles such as polyamory and even fetish and kink, such as “What is the boundary for emotional cheating?” and “What is the boundary for intellectual cheating?” as those speak to the thought of the physical not being the be-all, end-all barriers between human beings. And that’s the level of truth that I believe should be negotiated most, as some people simply do not feel the same about sharing their body as they do with sharing their soul, or lips, or feelings, or morals, and even certain thoughts. It’s not for society or any one other than ourselves, to say what part of our mind, body and soul is most valuable to our inner foundation, and our highest level of intimacy.
I don’t feel any jealousy about sharing my body and my body parts with other people, and I love the connection and bond that is made from such action. I would definitely feel that the most sensitive area of intimacy between people is in the realm of emotion and soul, not of fingers and flesh. There are people I’ve been intimate with that have shared no details about their personal life with me, and I don’t feel any problem with the particular space of closeness and distance we occupy. But with those who I have shared my deepest beliefs and dreams and feelings with? I have a connection to them that is beyond belief and description, and I definitely have other desires than to stay distant from those who know how I feel about LOVE and SEX and intimacy on every level. That’s just ME, though. I know myself and I know that the more of my mind and my soul I share with a woman, the more unified I feel with her. If we “just” share our bodies in an (extended) moment of passionate bliss, then I know that there is a possibility of not being bonded beyond that moment, and that it’s not a problem, especially when we have crafted our connection to be cool with such circumstances. But I’m just expressing my place and time and emotion around intimacy’s heights. Where are yours?
Polyamory allows for so much more flexibility in the realm of connection, and being aware of that is the path to paradise, I do feel. Knowing what affects you the most and what affects you the least is how to have self-awareness that brings bliss in ways that most others don’t get to enjoy. So, know for your own sake: where is your most sacred spot to be touched? Your mind, your body or your soul? Or maybe somewhere else, deeper or higher or a place more secret than I’ve described here?
Then, I hope you have fun connecting it to someone you care about!
In love,
Addi Stewart
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