Red Alert!
Polyamory Blues
Yes, it’s “The Life”.
Yeah, it’s “The Dream”.
And hell yeah, it’s “You Can Have Your Cake, and Eat It Too (…but you might have to share your fork and plate)”.
But there are a few bittersweet truths that lurk in polyamory’s shadows that nobody tells you about when you sign up for the Free Love Draft. I’d like to write a few of them down, and invite readers to add their own.
Incompatible Schedules
“I’m only free on weekends!” “Well, I’m only free weeknights!!”
Intimacy Interruptions
It takes a strong set of guts to stay poised when a previous, or current lover of your lover enters the room and the energy and attention starts to shift around in new and quirky places… yikes!
Different Speeds of Dreaming
Some people take their time in getting to know poly lovers, while others want to dive in deep ASAP.
Facing One’s Limitations of Responsibility
How many relationships does a person want to have to deal with juggling and growing and starting?
Confusion
It just happens. It’s poly we’re talking about. Complex emotional shit gets messy sometimes!
Passion Burnout
Sometimes, the person is just not exactly what you thought they would be, and your styles of poly may not be as compatible as once expected. Now what?
Barriers to Bonding
Some people have sexual/emotional/verbal/etc. limitations, that others don’t. What if they are trying to spend time together in the same bed? Sparks shall fly.
Unhealed Scars and Incomplete Acceptance
Many of us have suffered the scorching slings and acidic arrows of unrequited love, abusive relationships, infidelity, lies, cheating, stealing, deception, betrayal, ridicule, exploitation, rejection, rejection, rejection, and endless other variations on the “Happily Ever After” love story… and just when we think we are okay to dive back in the ocean of dreams and frolic happily with our new play thing… a phantom killer shark comes bursting up from the dark depths of the subconscious stream of self, and scares you shitless as you go scurrying back to the shores of fear and “safety”. This can be compounded to unknown levels in the realm of polyamory, with its infinitely complex permutations of relationship and intimacy and inventions of connection. Some poly lovers are the type of people who are meant to be with multiple lovers… but their present love simply has not made peace with the lovers of their past. This is a recipe for a very bittersweet love cake.
So what else are the downsides to polyamory? Are there more? There must be. Yet, it has to be also clearly articulated here: there are far more blessings in polyamory than curses in my experience. FAR more. But at the same time… I currently am feeling a bit unfulfilled!! There is an angel of a poly lover that I recently met, and even though I think we have some of the most intergalactically fantastic heavenly chemistry together… we are not in the same emotional/mental/sexual space at the current moment. And thus, there is distance. But I want her beside me! Le sigh.
So… how’s this poly thing working out for you and yours, so far?
I’d love to know 🙂
Always in love,
Addi Stewart
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