Can Your Poly Relationship Survive a Breakdown?

Think of the most important relationship you have ever had in your life. The emotional one, not the familial ones. The ones that have grown out of nothing but magic and hope, sex and connection.

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Now think of what would be the worst possible thing that could trouble that connection. Can you find a way to fix it? Do you have infinite faith in your love’s ability to heal?

It’s a good thing to understand about one’s self. Because there may be a day that comes that tests one’s foundation of love and faith in polyamory, and it may or may not take the connection to the limits of its ability to survive and sustain itself. It may go all the way to the end and beyond. Are you ready?

Most people don’t know how much they can take. But breakdowns happen in polyamory!

Imagine your connection to someone like it’s an actual relationship machine. You two invented a ride, and both of you use it to travel to your dreams of love in life. Yay!

So here it is, your relationship machine, just driving along through the days, seeing sights, going to parties, enjoying memories together… sometimes other people get into your relationship machine and drive with you two, sometimes, it’s just you two together driving towards paradise… it’s always awesome though. Until it’s not.

One day, you’re just putting along, happily thinking you’re driving to a local restaurant to eat a meal together like any other day, and then BANG! Something severious (yeah, I’m making up a word! Shit got that bad, that instantly. So crazy and unprecedented in your brain’s ability to even process it, that you have to make up a new fucking word to deal!) pops up and CRASH! BOOM! BLAMMO!

You are amiss and your lover is in fits. You have never been here before, and neither have they. It’s poly, so there’s that too. Obviously you have both never really been in anything exactly like this, and no two poly relationship machines are really the same, because every inventor is different from the next person. So yeah, there you are, fucked up and shit.

Where do you go from here? As I said, only faith and love (and I guess some other things that fall into that vague but deep category like focus, communication, respect, hope, desire, trust, honesty, imagination, and humility) will be proper fuel and provide the sufficient tools to fix the relationship machine again, and keep things going towards paradise.

And this does not have to just happen with one of the best poly relationships in your life, no way. I just wanted to take it to that level so you can imagine the impact of what crashing that relationship into an iceberg of insanity would feel like. It can happen in any relationship and does to certain degrees, but who cares as much about those smaller bumper car relationship machines aka acquaintances as much as the serious new future Tesla electric-heart-car relationship machines that us poly people are inventing in our lives lately?! Ha ha. But I digress.

Shit gets severious sometimes! Inventing new relationship machines and traveling to new paradise potential levels is not easy and not always pretty. When crashes happen, and I mean BIG ones, the only question is: how much faith do you have in the future with this person? Some problems heal with time, some problems heal with space. You will know which is which in due time, and if you don’t, then hey… welcome to the moment of more discovery.

Where shall you go? And if you’re not alone, what kind of relationship machine will take you to your next destination in dreamland?

Who knows. The more important question to know is: what kind of repair kit do you have in your heart to fix any breakdowns in the journey of your relationship machines? Breakups happen when relationship machines get completely destroyed, as in monogamy, like the lover is a toy that the person doesn’t want to play with anymore. It’s kinda sad, and in polyamory, it doesn’t have to be that way. But the way it has to be, is whatever you invent it to be.

Let love be your guide forward…

Addi Stewart

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