Finding Closure in Poly Breakups

Poly Exile

If you’ve been reading my zesty sexy adventures over the past few months… years, you would eventually glean from my uber-optimistic ramblings that I am a fan of NEVER giving up on Love and Hope. I envision polyamory creating a space where anyone can negotiate a way to co-exist inside, in some permutation of friends and lovers, and everyone find something resembling a passing facsimile to happiness!

Meet sexy singles and couples at!

I try and try and try to keep hope aliiive like Dr. Frankenstein summoning his monster with electricity and mad science. But sometimes, things actually do DIE.

Gasp! *clutches pearls*

Have you ever had a relationship been done, over, finito, finished, zip, zero, zilch, nothing, nada, nil, with no more gas in the tank? Have you ever had enough of someone, or has someone ever had enough of you, to the point where there is NO negotiating, discussing, manipulating, or saving what was once freaky fun in the sun?

I honestly have RARELY experienced such a severe slashing of passion’s attraction from my heart magnet, and I’m happy that I can say that most of my poly relationships haven’t crashed and burned into the ground of doubt. Most of them are still going, and they keep going and going like the Energizer Bunny of Lovely Fun Dreams, and whether or not we’re having sex every week, month, or just keeping in touch (literally!) twice a year, the flame burns and glows on.

Yet, occasionally someone puts the fire OUT. Extinguished. Buried. Crushed. Closed. Ended. And when that happens, what do you do?

Polyamory Breakups: Goodbye Forever or Goodbye for Now

Try to say your Last Words. Choose them wisely, carefully and honestly. Especially if you reach the point in time where the person has decided to drop the bomb that destroys the communication bunker that y’all built together. No more shelter or safe space to speak!

So write that goodbye note with all the bells and whistles you have always wanted to tell the person, and don’t hold a damn thing back. If you’re not going to speak to them for maybe a few years if not ever again, then you really have nothing to lose by pouring your heart out.

Unsaid thoughts, explanations of what happened from your perspective, revelations that arose from this situation, secrets and observations that you held in your freshly cracked skull… let it all gush out!

Hell, they might not even open your last email, text, or phone message, so what do you have to lose? And if they do, at least their last thoughts of you will contain your deepest truths and most open confessions… that’s what we call: goin’ out in a blaze of glory! (Hit songs from the 80’s are ALWAYS sources of good advice to follow in times of crisis and confusion!)

Childhood wisdom also has its value across the ages of life too!

In my teen years, I heard “The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else!” Ha ha, yussss! Now, I’m not saying don’t lick your wounds, or cry a river on someone’s shoulder, or process your pain and experience in a philosophical and mature fashion. No, do that too. And mourn as you must.

But once you say sayonara to someone forever… move on.

You’re poly. You already know you’re not alone. If you were an honorable person, it’s a lose-lose situation if they choose to cut you off. And if you have to cut someone off, let’s hope its for an honorable reason!

The most important thing to me, is to tell the truth as you gracefully bow out.

Addi Stewart

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