Q: I’m a 29-year-old woman in a polyamorous community. I share a man with two other women, and we all live together. We have equal nights mapped out on a calendar—all of us have our own rooms, but William spends planned nights with each one of us. He can also have sex or threesomes or moresomes with one or many of us just by asking or starting things up.
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With all this access to sex—and all of us are quite attractive—I’m surprised to find that William is spending quite a bit of time on the computer looking at porn. I know this because a few times I’ve used the computer and several windows had been left open.
We’re all adults and can look at as much porn as we wish. I’m just surprised is all. Also, I walked into the bathroom a few days ago thinking no one was inside and interrupted William masturbating in the tub.
I don’t want to complain because I chose this lifestyle and arrangement for many reasons. But one of those reasons was sex, and I don’t get enough sex!
I don’t expect to be serviced five times a day, but why jack off when you literally have three pussies who want more waiting for you?
A: I definitely empathize with wanting more sex! Your solution might be to follow suit and do what William’s doing. Masturbate more. Here are some more thoughts on your situation.
Sex addiction
Your partner might be a sex addict and even though he has lots of ladies and as much as he needs and wants, he needs more. I hate pointing to people in poly communities and suggesting that they are sex addicts, though.
Poly people have acknowledged a need for multiple partners for sex and relationships, but there are more sex addicts in the closet than who identify as poly. Yet, it’s possible.
Kinky Fantasies
Your man might have a sex kink that none of you can satisfy—for redheads, or chubby girls, or women who like to be tied up—if none of you fit whatever penchant is there.
We all have fantasies about other people, and we all look to porn for variety and there is absolutely no concern to his fulfilling this need.
Playing Solitaire
People need to masturbate!
Sometimes it’s got to be all about you. Sometimes it has to be uncomplicated, with easy clean up. Sometimes the urge is sudden, and interrupting someone else’s routine is selfish.
And sometimes we want it to be fast. I really think in this situation, this is the answer.
If your lover is also in his late twenties like you or there arounds, and has a normal sex drive, never mind a high one—it’s perfectly normal that he wants to want a lot.
I get the feeling you don’t disapprove of porn or masturbation—you just feel a little left out because you’re horny. The real problem is not him masturbating, but you not getting laid enough!
The Real Problem
So fix that instead of fixing this. Tell him and the others—or show them—that you are up for more sex. Masturbate more often too. Your sex drive is perfectly healthy, and so is his masturbating.
If you need more sex, you should have it. Problem solved!
Read: The Sacred Connection between Masturbation and Pornography
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