Tips & Advice

What Is Orgasm Denial and Edging?

Young Lovers Having Sex

The fun thing about sex is that there’s no end to the things that we can do on, for, or to ourselves, as well as with our poly partners.

I have been doing sex work for seven years now, and I can’t think of ONE porn scene or escort job that was anything similar to the last one. I have new experiences and insights in every single relationship, chemistry connection, and opportunity that I have ever felt and touched in this line of work.

There are some sexual activities that are intriguing, attractive, alluring, and somewhat dangerous and next level, as compared to the average heteronormative sexual experience that happens most of the time with most of the people out there.

I enjoy the truth that there are infinite virginity moments to give away to the world, and there are always new things to explore and enjoy in the realm of sex and the land of lovemaking.

One of the more EXTREME areas of sexual connection has to do with power play. Most of the time, people are in a general leader-follower arrangement, and there is a pseudo 50-50% (more like 60-40% or 70-30%) power dynamic between the two people sharing sexual energy. They both dance it back and forth, and eventually grind and grope their way to orgasmic ecstasy with friction and fun frolicking.

This post deals with a scenario where the power dynamic is closer to 90-10% or 100-0% when a person is totally at the sexual mercy of another. Welcome to the wonderful world of edgeplay and orgasm denial, where someone is aroused in fun and sexy ways, but slowly controlled and warmed up towards the destination of explosion.

This is a technique where the climax of sex, the orgasm and the ejaculation, is resisted and avoided. It’s playing and fucking and sucking and pleasuring someone until they can’t take anymore—ALMOST.

It’s a fun, but also powerful and delicate level of control to give or take with someone. It’s deciding how much joy someone else is allowed to feel when you’re with them. It’s deciding how long you will make them wait to reach their goals of pleasure. It’s a very nuanced game to play with someone, and may involve impact-play toys, scarves, ropes, feathers, floggers, clamps, paddles, gags—who knows!

There are all kinds of ways to deny orgasm. Get creative, but stay within the person’s boundaries! This is not CBT! (Check out “The Ins and Ouch of Cock and Ball Torture” at Kink Lovers if this is your thing.)

The other part of this game is edging, which I sometimes practice when I shoot porn. It’s essentially doing orgasm denial to myself by averting and avoiding the goal of reaching penile orgasm. I extending the time limit as much as possible, without losing an erection (or not) but also not completely allowing the sexual tension to escape.

Edging is a technique that can be used to build up pressure, lust, force, and ejaculatory impact—taking one’s self close to the edge repeatedly, but not having orgasmic release by crossing the point of no return.

There are many ways to deny or edge orgasm, with a poly partner or by yourself. It’s up to you to plan the route to the final destination of genital goodness. May I suggest the long, meandering scenic route—forget the map, stop, go backwards, take a wrong turn, get some food and gas, or do donuts in the desert.

Take a leap into dream belief, and don’t deny the chance to try something new.

Have you tried orgasm denial or edging? Dare to share in the comments!

Addi Stewart

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