Last month my partner and I had our commitment ceremony. It turned out to be an incredible day filled with love and laughter. We started planning months ago, and I’m so happy we did because our hard work paid off.
Here are a few of the things we learned along the way. I hope these questions might help to guide you in organizing your own commitment ceremony.
How Will You Structure Things?
Do you want to declare your love on a hillside at sunset or in a shark tank with all the lights turned out? When it comes to poly commitment ceremonies, there are no rules. You can include elements of a traditional monogamous wedding, or not. Maybe you want do an interpretive dance to express your commitment, or have a ceremony conducted entirely in Morse Code?
My partner and I rented a streetcar and rode it around town with all our closest friends and family before stopping at our favorite restaurant for live music and food. We chose to read declarations of love and exchange rings, but that’s what made sense to us.
Who Will You Include?
Do you want the day to be all about you and your partner, or would you like to include your entire polycule in the ceremony? It’s important to discuss this before you start the planning process so that no one feels left out or offended. In the end, it’s about what you and your partner want, but asking for input is always a good idea in the polyverse.
My partner and I made the mistake of focusing only on our wants and needs, and although the day turned out to be amazing, my metamour was a bit upset that she didn’t get the chance to say a little something during our reception at the restaurant. Don’t make the same mistake!
Who Will You Invite?
Not everyone in your life is going to support the whole poly thing, let alone want to attend a ceremony to celebrate it. Compile your initial guest list, but don’t feel guilty if you need to edit it down to include only those people who you know are going to enjoy themselves and be fully supportive.
One reason we chose a streetcar for our ceremony is that it has a limited number of seats, forty-six to be exact, so we knew that we couldn’t be expected to invite everyone and anyone. You could also try the opposite approach of casting your net wide and letting your friends and family decide for themselves. It all depends on how brave you’re feeling.
To Share or Not To Share?
Speaking of bravery, how willing are you to share the events of the day with your social media following? Some poly people are out and proud, while others choose to be more private, either for professional or personal reasons. Before you post anything, or tag anyone, check with those involved to see how they feel about it.
I’ve chosen to create an album in my Google Drive that I can share with all the people who attended the event. Some of my family were excluded from the ceremony, and I don’t want to risk offending them with a ton of pictures on my Instagram account!
What’s your perfect vision of a poly commitment ceremony? Share it with us in a comment!