Questions to Ask New Poly Lovers

As I have said before, getting into a polyamorous relationship can open you up to a lot of unusual emotional complications. Yes, it can be rewarding if you feel hindered by straight up monogamy, but it can also be hard.

It can be especially hard on the person you’re with if they don’t 100% like the idea of you sleeping with other people. Basically it can ruin your relationship with someone you may like or care about. It’s kind of a trade-off, though, because if you stay faithful then you will be miserable. When you bring up your feelings you will feel like an asshole when they react badly.  

However, if you do follow your heart and stray, then they will be miserable. Society will judge you to be the villain. Also, your lover might end up screwing other people, too, and then you might discover that you can dish it out, but you can’t take it.

Love is so complex that way.

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Beyond all that, if you do decide to hook up with strangers or other people, here are a few things you might want to ask them in advance:

1. Do you have any sexually transmitted infections that you know of?

2. Have you exhibited any symptoms of STIs?  

3. Have you been tested? When? Where?

4. Are you willing to practice safe sex?

5. Is anyone in your life going to be hurt by us having sexual relations?  

6. Are you going to be hurt if we have sex?

If things get serious, you may want to consider meeting this person’s other partner(s) or having them meet yours. Polyamory isn’t a cheating fest. It works best when everyone is comfortable. More than that, you want to make sure that you and the person you’re sleeping with are on the same page about what the sex means. Is it serious or casual?  

I know all of this sounds kind of lame, but it’s also a great way to save yourself the agony of some nasty infection, with blood or pus, or god knows what, dripping out of your organs. It’s a good way to avoid nasty needles, hospitals, and possibly death.  

Even more important, it’s a great way to avoid broken hearts and fistfights. Keep everything transparent and life will be so much easier! Plus, being responsible is the adult thing to do!

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