Polyamory Dating and Sex Clubs

Polyamory is awesome because you can do stuff like have one lover, and then hang out with another lover at another place like it’s no big thing. There are so many possibilites in pleasure and connection in life that are opened by having one’s heart and options available to others at various times and places. I have been out on dates with lovers, and bumped into other lovers, and it’s always cool. Because I don’t build unbreakable barriers between anyone. I may not have told each one of them all the details about the other ones, but it’s more because I don’t tell anyone anything they don’t ask about. If they want to know, I’ll tell them everything they can know, except usually the other lover’s name. But if I see one of my lovers in public while I’m with another one, I NEVER ignore them. I always make the introduction and tell each one of them that, yes, here is another partner of mine, it’s great to have you two (or three or more!) cross paths and meet. Maybe we will all meet again, and if not, at least you have seen each other. Yay, I love you both, and I will see one of you later, as I continue on with one of you now…

But, when paths cross at a sex club, it’s a BIT different! Not too much different, but there are certain things that change in the connection. I like to try and maintain the same spirit of “what’s up!” but also not really take it too far, because of the delicate nature of the environment we’re in.

5 Rules for When You See Your Poly Partner at a Sex Club

1. Don’t interrupt their scene just to say hello. Patience is a virtue at all times, and when it comes to seeing other partners in sexy scenarios, this is the BEST time to be virtuous! Do not interrupt your lover while they are being pleasured by someone for the sake of your own ego gratification.

2. Don’t expect to have sex just because you’ve had sex before. You may even be “allowed” to have a dalliance of such frivolity and frolic, but one should NOT proceed to do so under the ASSUMPTION that one is free to do so simply because one has located another lover in a sexy environment! There are times when you are at a sex club, and you may see someone you’ve had sex with… but it’s the depth of privilege to just assume that you can always have sex with someone you’ve had sex with. Even if you two always have a good time, there should be at LEAST one moment of clear communication to see where they are at mentally, physically, and emotionally. And you should also let them know you’re not alone!

3. Do be courteous and respectful like you were out on the street. The best way to communicate with people in sex clubs is: communicating with people like you AREN’T in a sex club! Until it’s time to talk about sex, which might be instantly and wonderfully. Or it might not come up the whole night, as you and your friends sit naked in the hot tub and discuss the pros and cons of allowing Donald Trump to continue his dictatorial aspiration for the next presidency of the United States. Not that he should be discussed in any place where the sacred art of sex is occurring, stranger conversations have happened in sex clubs!

4. Do stay in the moment, and don’t think about your next partner while you’re still with your first! This is hard in any context for some people, but it can be extra hard at a sex club! Focus, young padawan. Love not simultaneously, you must!

5. Do connect your lovers if they both are interested. But do NOT try to connect everyone if there’s even a moment of hesitation. No pressure! This is the only time you can love simultaneously (unless you have negotiated otherwise, of course!) This is not the moment to be spontaneous. It is the poorest of form to come to a sex club with one lover, and then abandon her to be with another woman. This is how polyamorous relationships get fucked up, and this is how they END sometimes. So, control thyself, dear soul. Be nice, and ask around how people feel about feeling up other people.

There are obviously more rules on how to handle the crossing paths of lovers when at a place like a sex club, but these first five will definitely keep you out of trouble, and possibly guide you towards combining dreams and joys into one moment! But that takes a very open heart and honest tongue… which you have, right? Right!

Read about my Epic Sex Club Adventure

Addi Stewart

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