Tips & Advice

Politics, Religion, Sex: Happiness in a Diverse Poly Family

Man with Two Women on Couch

A friend recently confessed that she was deeply troubled that one of her poly partners wasn’t interested in listening to her bitching about the Orange Fascist in Chief, telling her that they dodged a bullet when Clinton lost. Jen was pretty upset. She didn’t feel she could continue to be lovers with him.

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One thing I’ve learned in living with lovers with diverse political or religious ideas, and different sexual lifestyles is that most people’s views aren’t predictable, and the reasons for where they stand may not be the reasons you think.

Jen assumed her partner didn’t prioritize women’s rights, but in fact he couldn’t accept how Clinton ignored the allegations against her husband while saying things like, “I believe women.”

One of the challenges of polyamory is getting along with a diverse group of people, loving them, and respecting their viewpoints. It’s not easy.

A few years ago I had a blowout over politics and religion with a partner. I chose to end things because we disagreed. I regretted it later because I saw that I was simply unable to get along with someone unless they toed my line. I vowed to never let challenging ideas get in the way of good sex again.

Things to consider when you find yourself at odds with someone in your family of lovers:

Remember, politicians don’t care about your relationships.

Don’t let political parties divide you. If you can learn from each other, even better. Love isn’t about everything being easy. A relationship isn’t real if it’s just superficial and there aren’t any areas of conflict. It’s easy to get along when everything is aligned, but real relationships can survive serious contradictions.

Don’t give up your partners just because some dickhead on the news is screaming. I live in a civilized world where people can weather their differences rather than being enemies. I won’t go by their playbook.

You might be right. So what?

People have their own journey. No one thinks the same things that they thought when they were in college, and people change their vote constantly, often voting for a particular person or policy rather than party. Allow your lovers room for changing their mind, and the time to do so.

YOU might be the one who is wrong.

You’re assuming you’re right and your choices are right, that you have the clear data, evidence, and upper moral hand. This is utterly false.

Remember, we are ALL lied to by the media. If you start examining your positions and assumptions, you’ll be amazed at how much you don’t know or how the things you believe most aren’t true. Never forget politicians are liars.

Money, power, science grants, public acclaim, attention, fame—there are many things that motivate political claims, and truth isn’t often one of them. This includes parties, people, and media that we trust. Even if their intentions happen to be good, that doesn’t mean they have the facts or are interpreting them correctly.

Your party isn’t always right or wrong, and neither is theirs. Allow for nuance.

Remember when self-righteous Republicans wanted to censor sex from cinema, music, art, and literature? Now it’s often the left trying to take sex away from me because it might be “harmful to women.”

The person whose political affiliation you’re in conflict with likely doesn’t endorse every policy of their party, and you shouldn’t either with yours.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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