It’s been a rough one. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve gone as long as possible without talking about The Big C out there. And I don’t mean no damn chlamydia! (Even though you gotta wear condoms so you don’t catch that, either.)
It’s been a difficult year for every human, and many people have experienced what is known as “skin hunger,” since we are in maybe the longest dry spell in modern human history. It’s rough for the majority of people who are monogamous. But what about the polyamorous? What about US?!? It’s really hard to break down a big happy poly situation into a scenario where one is weighing who can visit who in each bubble and social circle.
We have to be more safe than usual, and more creative and more experimental in what and how we interact and connect with our lovers and friends and family now. But if they could do it 100 years ago and survive, we can do it too! So I have a few resolutions for you poly folks to hopefully inspire a brighter 2021 for you and your loved ones.
5 New Years Resolutions for Polyamorists
1. Envision new ideas and situations.
Having new visions and thoughts for scenarios and opportunities is something we have all had to do in the last year of our new normal lives. We have had to be more creative than ever to get through isolation alone or in your polycule, and it doesn’t look like the need to be open minded, inventive and compassionate to yourself and others on a higher level is going to change any time soon.
There are so many things we can do to keep our minds expanding. Whether it’s through exercise or school or art, we can keep learning new things to improve ourselves during this time, and we can make it sexy and erotic as we are learning. There’s lots of courses that can help with the passionate parts of our lives, and we just have to show up and take advantage of the lessons and the blessings that are on the flipside of this wild moment in time.
2. Explore new apps and online gatherings.
Try a new class or a new online sex club group—there’s so many, especially queer ones! I have my own issues with seeking the physical as much as possible with whoever is safe to see, so I have to take my advice as much as I give it. I’ve seen wonderful gatherings on Twitch of amazing local artists, and I’ve joined other friends online to share special moments with.
I resolve to be there digitally if I can’t be there physically, and even though I’m such a touchy-feely person that I really prefer the connection of skin over everything, I recognize the dangers that come with that at this time. If all there is is a Zoom link, then that’s what has to be enjoyed and used to the fullest. There are so many other ways to do weird and wild things to connect though… it’s endless.
You can still enjoy meeting others online, video chats, and even webcam hookups. Believe you me, there are many horny folks out there.
See our list of the best polyamory dating sites to get started.
3. Express the most appreciation you can.
This is something I encourage you to practice weekly if not daily: gratitude and appreciation for the simple things in life and love. Every single artifact from a more normalized time is now a rare item: a handshake, a hug, a kiss, a walk, a visit to the mall… everything. So this is really the time in life to be as Zen as possible about every option available—be fully present, thankful, and give it all you got.
If you get to see a lover, make the most of the visit! If you have the very lucky option to be with a couple lovers at once, then give it your all! There are limited circumstances to live the poly good life like we used to, and I’ve certainly had restrictions to the amount of partners I am able to see and love, so I greatly appreciate everyone I can and do see. I highly encourage you to do the same, especially if you get ANY chances to keep the polyamorous flames alive.
4. Engage with the communities you have the capacity for.
This is a more detailed extension of the last point, but more detailed because engagement is a specific decision that requires commitment to a more defined goal and often, person and then place. More connections will have to be made online than in the past of course, but sometimes there’s real world things to do, safely and smart.
Some people are traveling! My friend is going to Mexico for a year with his girlfriend at the end of the month, so it’s a smart thing to do if that’s where one’s desires lead. Connect to people, places, and things that you feel safe and secure in doing. No need to risk things, but once the basics are learned and safety is established, then hey… remind a few friends that you’re still the same awesome person you’ve always been, even if you have to see them at a socially distanced event outside.
5. Eliminate sources of negative energy that can’t be changed.
This is extra challenging these days, but perhaps most vital: reduce and eliminate as many sources of negative energy, information, or pessimism you have in your sphere. Because we can’t often leave our homes or certain places we have to be for very long, it’s a good idea to focus on the positive and ignore the negative as much as possible.
Doomscrolling is a real thing that is worth avoiding. Sure, we have to get as much information as we need to make informed and safe decisions in our day-to-day lives, but we don’t need to drown ourselves in the deep end all the time.
There are good things happening too, reasons to keep hope alive, and things we can focus more on to keep us going… because all things change. This too shall pass, and we will one day be cautiously but courageously doing all the old dancing, drinking, partying and loving we used to do!
We need to stay smart during the shifting new year, but we can also celebrate in our own private ways this year… especially something polyamorous! But if not, I understand.
Can you share some positive poly experiences you’ve had recently? Please share in the comments!