Tips & Advice

Have a Poly Jolly Christmas

Couple Relaxing in front of Fire

Holidays are both fun and stressful for all kinds of families. For polyamorous folks, it can be double trouble—but also twice as nice, or thrice!

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If you’re trying to juggle schedules for the season and hoping to keep everyone happy, you might feel there isn’t enough joy and goodwill to go around.

Don’t despair! You can de-stress, enjoy the holiday with all of your partners, and find time for festivity, feasting, and lots and lots of sex too!

Top Tips for a Poly Jolly Christmas

Prioritize

Everyone has to be choosy with their holiday fêtes, so it makes sense that poly families have even more schedules to juggle.

Decide in advance what your priorities are—for example, one partner’s parents might take precedence this year because one is very sick and needs his or her family. Kids are often the priority when they’re young, or visiting from college. Maybe just the three of you is something you don’t get much of year round, and come Christmas, it’s more important than office parties.

Once you know what’s most important amongst you, scheduling those things first lets everything fall into place more easily.

Remember that you can’t please everyone all of the time. Someone’s going to be disappointed, somewhere. “I was asked to join the choir at the seniors’ center, and I wanted to bring holiday cheer to those who are unable to get out. That meant I wouldn’t be able to do as much with my lovers over Christmas break,” says Alice.

For Kev, “We’ve decided to leave the country to visit my parents in Norway. This means none of us will do anything here at all, but it’s been a few years and they can’t join us as easily because of their age. That’s the choice we’ve made, and we’re happy with it.”

Set Limits and Boundaries

While prioritizing, think about limits too. “Our girlfriend is an introvert and prefers small gatherings and solitude, so we decided to limit festivities with all three of us to once a week through December,” Mark explains.

Sometimes you need to learn to say no. “My wife’s kids are coming from university on the other side of the country, so we said no to all kinds of invitations that week.”

Host Festivities at Home

“Carol, Elizabeth, Barry and I host a huge turkey bash for ourselves, and any of our family and friends who want to join us,” my friend Karl says. “This way, we’re all together, which is the most important thing, and only folks who are comfortable with our poly arrangements come by. We let everyone know the door is open if they are open to us.”

If you have any tips on being poly and enjoying the holidays, please share in the comments!

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