You’ve gotten up the courage to ask her for a threesome, but don’t want things to backfire. What’s the right way to talk about your threesome desires?
Every man, at some point in his life, fantasizes about having a threesome with his girlfriend and another woman. How does one go beyond the fantasy and make such a threesome happen? Is there any way to approach the subject without getting a slap in the face?
There are no guarantees in life, but as someone who has been a part of several threesomes without causing any major drama, I’m happy to say there are tried and true techniques for easing into the conversation naturally and without freaking her out.
How to Ask Her for a Threesome
Follow these tips on how you can convince the woman in your life to have a threesome with you.
1. Know Your Threesome Motivations
Before you suggest a threesome, ask yourself why you want to have a threesome. Once you understand the deeper motivation behind your threesome desires, bringing your partner on board is going to be easier.
Let’s explore this hypothetically: you are a man in a monogamous relationship with a woman, and you desperately want to open your relationship up to others. Perhaps you’re thinking – what better way to break the monogamy mold than to do it consensually with your partner present?
In this case, the threesome motivation is really about having open relationship. Knowing this, you can present threesomes as a learning opportunity. A threesome can be about sharing, communication, dealing with jealousy, and figuring out how to get what you need while still putting your partner ahead of the pack.
When you’re partner eventually tries to suss out the ultimate reason you’re asking for a threesome, it’s going to benefit you if you can clearly articulate your reasons and the benefits to both of you.
The question now is, how do you get her interested?
2. Share Threesome Fantasies in Bed
Let’s face it, until (and possibly still after) you’ve gone through with it, a threesome is the stuff of your fantasies. The first thing you need to do to ease your partner into the idea is to start sharing some of your fantasies with her.
While you’re alone together kissing, touching, and turning each other on, whisper a few scenarios into her ear. Tell her how hot these vignettes make you. To get her imagination involved, cast her as the star of your threesome fantasy by describing scenes with her at the centre of the action.
Even something as simple as, “Do you know how hard I get when I think about another woman driving you crazy with her tongue?” should get those wheels turning in her head, too.
3. Talk About Threesomes Casually
Once you’ve broached the subject during love-making, the next step is to bring it to the light of day. Ask her casually, maybe over dinner, if she’s ever considered having sex with two other people.
If she starts to show some interest and has some suggestions of her own, you’re very likely onto something. Talk about it, but don’t ever pass judgement on one another’s fantasies. This is part of the trust-building process, after all. The more open your relationship becomes, the more trust you’ll need between you.
When the subject evolves into something you two can talk about quite normally, it’s probably (finally) the right time to ask.
4. Ask for a Threesome You Build Together
The best way to do this is to create a fantasy together. Ask her “if” she were to have a threesome with you, how would she want it to go down? What would her fears be? What aspects would she most want to explore, and what would be off-limits?
Listen carefully.
If there’s something that turns you on about the idea of a threesome that she hasn’t yet mentioned, test the waters and see how she responds. This is the time to be specific: you both need to be quite clear about one another’s boundaries, so rules and limits will apply on both sides.
Once the two of you can agree on the ultimate threesome situation and it’s something you’ve conjured respectfully and democratically, go ahead and let her know you’re serious about playing it out with her.
Chances are, if you genuinely care about your partner’s interest and enjoyment in all this, she’ll view it less as you fantasizing about sleeping with another woman, and more as an opportunity for the two of you to get your kink on as a team. After all, the two of you have put your heads together creatively; naturally now you’ll both want to get this scene out of your heads and into your bedroom.
She Doesn’t Want a Threesome? Find Out Why
There are all kinds of reasons why a woman might not want to have a threesome. Even if she loves variety, adventure, polyamory, kink, or all of the above, she still may not find the idea of threesome a turn on.
Unfortunately, that means that even if you’re able to convince your girlfriend or wife to indulge in creating a threesome fantasy, she may still object to having group sex in real life.
Talking about a threesome and discovering why she won’t have one can often put an end to the discussion. But sometimes understanding her reasons actually opens the door as you may be able to find a compromise.
Here are some of the reasons your wife might object to a threesome, and how you can get her to have a threesome with you anyways.
She Doesn’t Want to Suck Pussy
I know, hard to believe, right? But it’s entirely possible that the sexually adventurous woman you’re dating is just not interested in getting naked with chicks.
Since “threesome” to the vast majority of men automatically means an FFM threeway, she could feel there’s no point to bringing up alternate possibilities. If you feel her objection to three is that she’s totally straight, you might suggest an MMF instead
There are many reasons to try MMF threeesomes even if you are hesitant.
Read: 5 Reasons to Try an MMF Threesome
She’s Had a Threesome But Doesn’t Want Another
On the other hand, lots of women do enjoy making love to women but prefer to do it alone. She may identify as bisexual and have had many same-sex partners. But when it’s ladies night, she doesn’t want to share. Been there, done that.
You might be thinking, “try it, you’ll like it,” and getting your hopes up. Meanwhile, she’s tried it, and she’s liked it, but she still prefers one on one.
Group sex can be about indulgence or satisfying curiosity, rather than being a staple. Lots of men and women enjoy experimenting with threesomes, but don’t pursue them indefinitely. Once their curiosity is satisfied, they don’t feel the need to continue.
If this is the case, she may be open to indulging your threesome request if she understands that you have not had those same experiences, and having a threesome at least once is important to you.
She Doesn’t Want to Set a Precedent
As far as my circle goes, women’s number one complaint about “allowing” a threesome is not that they don’t enjoy the experience, but that things aren’t the same after.
A good friend was blissfully married for ten years. But after a few threesomes together, he wasn’t the same in bed and was always begging to bring someone else home. Their marriage fell apart because he was suddenly disinterested in her unless another woman was in the picture.
Whether or not her fear is founded, this common phenomena might be what she wants to prevent. The best way to assuage these concerns is to set clear boundaries and expectations from the outset.
Read: Threesome Rules for Couples
If you can’t imagine anything more exciting than a threesome with your wife or girlfriend, it’s time to take the plunge. Or at least dip your toe in the waters to gauge her reaction.
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