Tips & Advice

Emotional Capacity in Poly Relationships

Woman with Potion

What is your capacity for your poly partners’ emotions? Life sure would be easier if people came with an emotional gas tank, and there was clear and visible signs of someone’s ability to sustain the trip of listening and supporting another during their emotional exhaust expression! But alas, we don’t.

So we all hope to be dealt the hand with a connection to someone who has some capacity to care and communicate concern for us during both our time of need and our time of leisure because just one or the other isn’t a sustainable relationship model.

I do understand that polyamory invites other people into one connection with one or two (or more) people… thus the theoretical conservative approach to emotions and energy sharing would be to say a 50-50 relationship is now being divided attention-wise to half of one’s 50%, thus 25-25 for each partner, and deducting from there with each additional relationship. But… it’s not pie.

Less time with one partner doesn’t have to mean less growth in the relationship, not if people are being adults with compersion. Furthermore, being with multiple people should not encourage a reluctance to be emotionally available to others… it should inspire a person to be MORE emotionally adaptable and open to giving and receiving attention and energy from each different partner. Theoretically, in healthy polyamory, I think I can suggest this!

Of course, it’s not up to me to say what your emotional boundaries of sharing should be. But it’s my duty as a pro-polyamorous human to push the limits of emotional acceptance, emotional intelligence, and emotional capacity in the pursuit of empowering the strongest relationships possible!

Bring me all the feelings from all the lovers. I can take it!

Addi Stewart

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