It’s that time of year again to start thinking about holiday plans. If you’re like me, you wait until the very last minute to do your shopping, and then you still have to decide where and how you’re going to celebrate.
Being poly, you probably feel even more overwhelmed by it all. It’s hard enough to balance the needs of one partner over the holidays, let alone several.
That’s why I’d like to offer you a few suggestions for how you can structure your holiday fun in ways that will suit your poly dynamic.
1. Celebrate Privately
Depending on how many partners you have, this could add up to a whole lot of celebrating. But hey, what are the holidays for? This is a good option for poly people who do the whole don’t ask don’t tell thing, or for those of us who shudder at the thought of doing anything as a big brunch-loving poly tribe.
Celebrating separately allows you to develop special traditions with each of your partners. It also makes gift giving less awkward, as there is more privacy and less of an opportunity to compare: “The necklace you gave Stacie is slightly more expensive than the one you gave me. What are you trying to say?” Let’s hope no one feels so insecure this holiday season, but it can happen.
2. Celebrate as a Polycule
If you’re used to doing everything as a group, why stop for the holidays? Because of family obligations, it might be hard to gather on the big day, so plan to celebrate ahead of time, in your own special way.
Develop your own holiday rituals, whether it’s going to a special restaurant or going to a sex club! Who says you have to stick to tree trimming? Make new memories that are meaningful to your particular group. Make it a multi-cultural celebration, or even non-holiday themedhatever works for you.
3. Travel as a Group to Family Gatherings
This is what my polycule has done for the past two years. My partner and metamour rent a cottage in the town where most of my family live, and we travel as a group from house to house. It works for us because my family is really open and understanding. It took a bit of time for them to get there, though, so I wouldn’t recommend popping in unannounced.
Oh, and if something exploded behind your eyes as you read this, a family poly extravaganza is probably not for you.
4. Skip the Festivities Altogether
This is always an option, especially if you’re not big on celebrating the holidays in the first place. There’s no “right way” to do anything. As a poly person, you probably already know that. As long as no one has expectations to the contrary, hold off on the gifts and parties, and make life a little easier for yourselves.
For a more moderate approach, try the Secret Santa thing. The holidays don’t have to be all about spending money. Have a conversation early on about how you want to handle things as a group, then enjoy!
Have special plans for the holidays? Share them with us in a comment!