When’s the last time you reached out to your partner’s other partner, just to see how they’re doing, or to send them a link to something you thought they’d like? Staying in touch with one’s metamour can feel a bit awkward and intimidating, especially at first. I think that’s because every movie we ever saw growing up taught us that we’re supposed to hate any person who harbors romantic feelings for our one true love.
It can take time to realize that in the polyverse, there’s plenty of love to go around. Here are some ways to offer some up to your metamour.
4 Ways to Show Love for Your Metamour
1. Send a Nice Text Out of the Blue
You don’t have to wait for a big event, like a birthday or an anniversary, to show your metamour some love. Send a random text whenever the mood strikes. It can be as simple as, “I hope you have a great day”, or something more personal like, “I know you’re going through a hard time right now. I’m here for you.” Small gestures like this can go a long way towards making your metamour feel supported and cared for.
2. Be Flexible in Times of Stress
No matter how closely we try to adhere to our poly schedules, life happens. If your metamour needs some extra time with your shared partner, or some minor rearrangements to the date night rotation when things get rough, be cool with it. Understand that you might require the same kindness one day and that poly relationships involve a consistent measure of give and take.
By being flexible, you’ll show your metamour that you’re in this together and that you care for their needs as well as your own.
3. Plan Something Special for the Two of You
If your poly dynamic is such that you routinely spend time as a group, plan a day where you and your metamour can hang out together, just the two of you. Go for a hike, or yoga in the park. See a movie, or just sit down for a cup of coffee and a talk.
Such get togethers might feel awkward at first, so give yourselves time to get used to them and to form a friendship. If it doesn’t happen after a couple of attempts, don’t force it. Making an effort is the most important part.
4. Offer to Help Out When You Can
Is your metamour too sick to cook? Make them dinner, or order something in, your treat. Are they overwhelmed and stressed out? Buy them a gift certificate for a massage. One of the perks of being in a polycule is that you’re part of a community. No one has to go it alone if they don’t want to.
Picking up the slack from time to time is a great way to show some love, and something that we could all use.
How do you show your metamour that you appreciate them? Leave us a comment!