Facts & Info

Why She Doesn’t Want a Threesome

Couple in Bed

A friend recently confided that he was surprised and disappointed that none of the polyamorous women he is dating were interested in having a threesome.

He is not the first and won’t be the last to conflate polyamory with group sex. Poly, after all, means “many loves.” But having many lovers doesn’t necessarily mean you have them all at the same time!

While I personally enjoy moresomes, there are all kinds of reasons why a woman might not. Even if she loves variety, adventure, multiple partners, kink, or all of the above, she still may not find the idea of threesome a turn on.

Why She Doesn’t Want a Threesome

She Doesn’t Want to Suck Pussy

I know, hard to believe, right? But it’s entirely possible that the sexually adventurous woman with many lovers who you’re dating is just not interested in getting naked with chicks.

Since “threesome” to the vast majority of men automatically means an FFM threeway, she could feel there’s no point to bringing up alternate possibilities. If you feel her objection to three is that she’s totally straight, you might suggest an MMF instead. There are many reasons to try MMF threeesomes even if you are hesitant.

She Prefers to Make Love to Women without a Man

On the other hand, lots of women who are poly love to make love to women. She may identify as bisexual and have many same-sex partners. But when it’s ladies night, she doesn’t want to share. Been there, done that.

You might be thinking, “try it, you’ll like it,” and getting your hopes up. Meanwhile, she’s tried it, and she’s liked it, but she still prefers one on one.

Group sex can be about indulgence or satisfying curiosity, rather than being a staple. Lots of men and women enjoy experimenting with threesomes, but don’t pursue them indefinitely. Once their curiosity is satisfied, they don’t feel the need to continue. This can be true of any sexual experimentation. Some women enjoy a romp or two in college with other women, but don’t feel driven to continue dating girls.

She Prefers Threesomes with Other Men

Sorry, guys. Some women don’t want a threesome with YOU. That’s harsh, and I’m sorry, but it’s entirely normal for a woman to enjoy certain activities with certain lovers.

There are some kinks that I love to explore with certain partners and not with others. I’ve done things I’d never do with a specific person, or experimented with sex I didn’t feel inclined to, because of a unique situation. This is sometimes pure chemistry, and sometimes circumstantial. I don’t much care for golf, for example, but I love to golf with my favorite uncle. There are activities you enjoy or are open to with a certain lover too.

She Doesn’t Want to Set a Precedent

As far as my circle goes, women’s number one complaint about “allowing” a threesome is not that they don’t enjoy the experience, but that things aren’t the same after.

A good friend was blissfully married for ten years, and both she and her husband had other lovers. But after a few threesomes together, he wasn’t the same in bed and was always begging to bring someone else home. Their open marriage fell apart because he was suddenly disinterested in her unless another man was in the picture.

Whether or not her fear is founded, this common phenomena might be what she wants to prevent.

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PolyamoryToday.com is your source for everything related to polyamory dating sites and poly relationships. We post tips and advice for polyamorous lovers and those seeking threesomes and group adventures. Enter the world of polyamory with exclusive articles, polls, site reviews, reader stories and more. If you would like to receive our bi-monthly newsletter, please sign up using the subscriber form above.

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