Let’s debunk a few Poly Myths that people new to the lifestyle might believe to be true:
1. Polys are more self aware than monogamous people
Poly people have a different preferred relationship style, that’s all. Positive and negative personality traits are shared by both polys and monos. Being poly does not put you above others or automatically place you into the enlightened camp.
2. Anyone can be poly
Many monogamous people could probably switch to poly and have successful relationships, yes, but polyamory is certainly not for everyone. Despite the fact that most of us grow up surrounded by the belief that momogamy is the only way, some of us are just naturally predisposed for that relationship mode.
3. Polys Don’t Get Jealous
This would be like saying, polys aren’t human. No one is immune to this feeling, in fact, polys are faced with this emotion more so because they’re often more people involved in the relationship. Jealousy is neither good or bad, but a symptom of insecurity. Looking at the root of the fear and doubt is the best way to deal with the overriding jealousy.
4. Polyamory is about egalitarianism
Poly is a relationship model that embraces multiple committed romantic relationships but not all the relationships involved are necessarily given equal weight in terms of time spent together or decision-making processes. Sometimes contracts are used to negotiate these different aspects of a multi-partner relationship.
5. Polyamory is a cure for cheating
A monogamous person that cheats is not the same as a poly that seeks multiple relationships. A mono thinking that cheating is going to fix his/her flawed relationship will generally find that suddenly becoming poly is not the answer. If you can’t be trusted or show respect for one person, you will be challenged to do it with many. Strong communication skills are needed when venturing into a poly lifestyle. That said, it is possible for a monogamous cheater to shift into polyamory after realizing the cheating was directly related to not being fulfilled by monogamy.
6. Poly people are kinky
Poly is a relationship model, not a sexual practice. Whether you’re kinky or not has nothing to do with your preference of poly or mono relationships. Kink is part of many monogamous relationships and many polyamorous people prefer conventional sex. Group sex is often what outsiders of the poly community think is going on, but having more than one sexual partner doesn’t mean they’re all getting it on at the same time.